Guilt Undone: Mature Version
by MaureenT
Summary: When Sam's actions result in a terrible tragedy, she is unable to get past the guilt and pain. Then she receives a visit from someone with a way for her to undo what happened. But will Sam succeed or will history repeat itself? D&S romance. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Guilt Undone**

**Author:** MaureenT  
**Categories:** Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romance  
**Content Warning:** Adult Themes, Mild Profanity, Sexual Content  
**Spoilers:** 2010, 2001, Meridian, Chimera, Heroes, Lost City

**Author's Notes: **TISSUE WARNING! TISSUE WARNING! I can guarantee that some of you are going to want a box of tissues handy for this fic. **It contains a Daniel/Sam romance.**

* * *

***** IMPORTANT NOTICE ***  
Due to this archive's crackdown on sexual content in stories, I have changed all mature-rated scenes that may be considered by the the moderators to have an MA rating. The love scenes in this story have been replaced with the milder ones from the version of the story that had been rated Teen but now also has a Mature rating. I am keeping this version up because of the reviews attached to it. The real mature-rated version can still be found on my Web site at www .stargate-horizons. com (remove spaces). I welcome you to go there and read it, then come back here and review.**

CHAPTER ONE

Samantha Carter smiled softly as she took a sip of her tea, thinking about the day's events. At eleven that morning Daniel had surprised her by inviting her to join him for lunch off-base. He'd given a very logical – and quite convincing – argument that they'd both been working long hours lately and could benefit from an hour or two of relaxation to clear their minds and regenerate their energy levels. With just a wee bit of arm-twisting, he'd talked her into it, and she was glad that he did. She'd had a wonderful time at lunch even though he surprised her with a few questions that were a bit on the personal side. She'd forgotten how enjoyable it had always been to spend leisure time with Daniel, just the two of them. In all the months that had passed since he descended, they hadn't spent any time together off duty, except for team gatherings and events like the big Fourth of July party. Sam felt bad about that. For a year she had missed his presence in her life, yet, now that he was back, she rarely saw him outside of work and team get-togethers.

As Sam thought about it, she realized that Daniel had been coming to visit her in her lab quite a bit recently, or at least a lot more often than he had since descending. Most of the time, it was just a quick hello or an inquiry about what she was working on. Sam remembered how, years ago, they often got together on projects, putting their heads together to solve some puzzle or problem. Those occasions happened progressively less often as the years passed. Recalling those early years made Sam realize how nice it had been to regularly corroborate with Daniel . . . not to mention productive. They'd always worked so well together on those occasions, their equally brilliant minds merging to solve some riddle or problem. Maybe it was time for them to start doing it more often again. That thought made another smile come to Sam's lips.

The major was startled by a knock on her door. Wondering who would be visiting at this time of night, she went to the door and peeked out the window. She was surprised to see the object of her thoughts standing on the porch.

"Hi," Daniel greeted once she'd opened the door.

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Um . . . I was wondering if we could talk about something."

Sam stared at the archeologist. It wasn't hard to tell that he was nervous. In fact, Sam couldn't recall ever seeing him appear more nervous. He was actually fidgeting.

"Uh, sure. Come on in."

Sam stepped aside for Daniel to enter. She watched him wander about the room, looking at this and that, his hands buried deep in his pockets.

"Daniel, what's wrong?" she finally asked.

The archeologist stopped, paused, then turned to her. He brushed a hand nervously through his hair.

"I, um . . . don't quite know how to say this, which is pretty pathetic, really. But I guess it's understandable considering the situation."

Sam frowned in puzzlement. "What is it that you want to say?"

Daniel drew in a deep breath. "I wanted to ask if you would . . . go out to dinner with me on Sunday."

Sam's face cleared, and she smiled. "Sure. That would be great. I don't know why you'd be so nervous about asking that, Daniel. As it so happens, I was just thinking about our lunch today and how we don't spend enough time together off duty anymore."

Daniel shook his head. "No, Sam. I don't mean a dinner like our lunch today. I want . . . I'd like to go out with you."

All at once, Sam realized what Daniel was saying. He was asking her on a date.

The archeologist turned away and walked over to the mantle, staring at the items upon it.

"Ever since I descended, I've started looking at things differently," he said. "I still miss Sha're. I will always miss her, and a part of me will always love her. But I finally realized that I had to let her go and move on with my life. I had to let myself live." Daniel turned to face her. "When I first saw you on Vis Uban, I . . . felt something. Afterwards, once I started regaining my memories, it confused me. I didn't understand how I could have those kinds of feelings. I've thought about it a lot during these months, and I finally came to the conclusion that, somewhere along the way, you came to be something more to me than just a friend and teammate. I just never realized it until now."

Sam was in a state of shock. Never in a million years would she have seen this coming. Daniel was actually telling her that he had romantic feelings for her. Holy Hannah!

"I don't know where this might go or even if it can go anywhere at all. I have no expectations, Sam. I just know that I had to tell you. I hope . . ." he took another deep breath, "I hope there's some chance that you're willing to see if we can be more than friends."

For several long seconds, Sam just stood there in stunned silence. Slowly, the surprise was replaced by another feeling: regret.

"Daniel, I'm . . . I am incredibly flattered. You are a wonderful guy that any woman would be lucky to have. You know that I love you. You're like my family. Heck, in many ways, I feel closer to you than I do to my own brother."

The word 'brother' sent a jab of pain through Daniel. He knew what her next words were going to be.

"I'm so sorry, Daniel, but I just don't feel that way about you, and I don't think I ever could. Going out with you just wouldn't be fair to you. I wouldn't want to get your hopes up that we could have something more than friendship when I know that we can't."

The pain inside Daniel was steadily growing. He has fully expected that Sam would tell him that she didn't feel the same things for him, but he had hoped that she would at least be willing to see if anything could grow between them. During these past couple of weeks he'd been spending more time with her as a way of feeling her out, seeing if she might be open to the idea of going on a date with him. From the way she'd acted and the answers she gave to his questions at lunch, he had believed that she might be. He'd been wrong.

Feeling like a real jerk, Sam watched Daniel's gaze drop to the floor. He was trying to hide his feelings, but she could see the pain on his face. Dammit! The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Daniel, yet that's what she'd just done.

"I, um . . . I understand," he said in a low voice.

Sam took a step toward him. "Daniel, I am so, so sorry. I wish I could say something different. But I can't lie to you."

"No. It's okay. You're right. I wouldn't want you to go out with me if there's no chance at all that. . . ." He let out a soft sigh. He finally lifted his head, though he still didn't meet her eyes. A sad little smile flashed briefly. "I'm . . . feeling pretty foolish right now, so I'm going to go before I make an even bigger fool of myself."

He turned and headed to the door. Sam was feeling worse by the second, desperately trying to think of something to say.

"Daniel, please don't go. Please stay, and we'll . . . we'll talk."

The archeologist stopped and turned back to her, finally meeting her eyes.

"What is there to talk about, Sam? You've made your feelings pretty clear." His expression softened. "I really do understand. You can't make yourself feel things that just aren't there." Daniel opened the door. "Good night, Sam. I'll see you in the morning in the gate room. Eight o'clock, right?"

Not waiting for an answer, he walked out into the night. He could feel Sam's eyes upon him as he went to his car and got in.

He was about two blocks away when he pulled over again. He rested his head on the steering wheel, eyes tightly closed, trying to push through the pain inside. He hadn't realized until now how very much he had wanted this. It wasn't until now, after Sam's rejection, that he finally saw the complete truth. He was in love with her, utterly . . . and hopelessly.

But he was going to be all right. It would just take a while. He could be just a friend to Sam. Their friendship was too important to throw away because she could never love him like he loved her.

Wiping away the single tear that was threatening to fall, Daniel pulled back onto the street and headed for home.

* * *

For the dozenth time, Sam looked over at Daniel. He hadn't looked at her even once, had barely even acknowledged her when he came into the gate room.

Sam hadn't slept a wink last night, riddled with guilt over how she'd hurt him. If only she could feel the same thing for Daniel that he apparently felt for her. She hadn't been exaggerating when she said that any woman would be lucky to have him. He was one of the finest, most compassionate and caring people she'd ever met. And she wasn't blind to his good looks. She was very aware of how handsome he was, how half the nurses on base were at least halfway in love with him. Janet used to laugh about the eagerness some of her staff showed in caring for Daniel whenever he was a guest of the infirmary.

Thoughts of her lost friend brought back Sam's sadness over the doctor's death. It had been only a few weeks since they lost her. Sam missed her terribly, missed the times they'd talked woman to woman. She wondered what Janet would say if Sam told her about Daniel. Knowing Janet, she'd probably have told Sam that she was an idiot for not going out with the archeologist.

Maybe she _was_ an idiot. Maybe she was stupid for assuming that she could never come to feel anything besides friendship for Daniel. Out of all the men who had come into Sam's life, she felt closer to him than any other, including the guys she'd dated. He saw her for who she truly was on the inside, understood her in ways that most other people never did.

Sam glanced over at her commanding officer. After the incident on the Prometheus, she had decided that it was way past time to stop acting like a teenager with a crush and get over her feelings for Jack. Surprisingly, it really hadn't been all that hard once she really set her mind to it. Sam had to wonder what that meant. Could it be that her feelings for him were never all that strong in the first place? Could it be that the only reason she'd clung to them for so long was that it was safer to love him than take a chance on someone else?

Sam thought briefly about Pete Shanahan, the cop her brother had tried to fix her up with. He was a nice guy, but there had been something missing, though she was never quite able to put her finger on what it was. Sam had broken it off after three dates, telling the man that it just wasn't going to work out.

That brought her mind back to last night. Sam didn't want to live the rest of her life alone, and yet when a fantastic, gorgeous guy asks her out on a date, she turns him down without even considering it. What an idiot.

Just then, the gate activated, putting a halt to Sam's thoughts. The MALP that had been sent through yesterday to check out the immediate area began broadcasting images, showing that the area was still all clear. Hammond gave the green light, and the four members of SG-1 strode through the event horizon out onto a narrow, grassy strip of land, dense forest visible in the distance. On either side of them were the crumbling remains of what looked to have once been fairly sizable cities, twin ancient metropolises with the Stargate as a bridge between them. The MALP had been sent into the one to the left and had found signs that the technology of the culture had been somewhere around the level of Earth back in the 50's or 60's . . . and that the civilization had suffered some kind of cataclysmic war, most likely the thing that ended it.

"Okay, there is a lot of ground to cover, and I don't want to be here all day," Jack said, "so Daniel, Carter, you go check out that city," he gestured to the left, "and Teal'c and I will go take a look at the other one. Radio check every hour."

Daniel opened his mouth, glanced at Sam, then closed his mouth with a brief nod. The astrophysicist suspected that he'd thought about requesting that he be partnered with someone besides her. That thought hurt – a lot. Had she irreversibly damaged their friendship with her rejection?

They began to walk. Daniel studied the buildings and the writing he found in silence, which wasn't like him at all. He was usually making comments about this or that, musing about the culture and its possible roots in ancient Earth history. He never looked at Sam, his gaze remaining upon the things around them. She could almost feel a physical barrier between them.

Dammit! This was such a horrible mess. How was she going to fix this? What could she say to make Daniel feel better? If their positions had been reversed, what would _she_ want _him_ to say? Sam thought about that and came to the conclusion that, if she was in Daniel's position, she would be as uncomfortable in his presence as he obviously was in hers. Perhaps what she needed to do was just give him some space.

As they explored, they found various bits of broken or rusted technology. Sam examined a few things, but couldn't seem to find the spark of interest that she usually would have. Then they came across the remains of some kind of vehicle that looked more advanced than previous ones they'd seen. Sam began to study it in more detail.

"I'm . . . I'm going to go on ahead," Daniel said quietly, the first words he'd spoken since they got to the planet.

The major turned to him. "We really should stick together, just in case."

"Sam, I. . . ." Daniel's gaze fell, and he shifted uncomfortably. "I really need to be . . . alone for a while."

In her mind, Sam substituted "alone" with "away from you", knowing that's what he really meant. Tears prickled in the astrophysicist's eyes. She was losing Daniel's friendship. If things couldn't be fixed between them, she'd also lose him as a teammate. They couldn't work together effectively if he couldn't even bear to be around her.

Sam thought about putting her foot down and insisting on talking the whole thing out with Daniel right then and there, but they were on a mission. It wasn't the proper time. But tonight, a certain archeologist was going to be receiving a visitor.

"All right," she said, hiding how much she was hurting. "Just don't go too far. And keep in radio contact."

Daniel nodded shortly, then headed deeper into the ruins. He felt like a coward. He was trying so hard to get past what happened last night, to put aside his feelings, but it still hurt too much. And he was still terribly embarrassed about the fool he'd made of himself in front of Sam. The last thing he wanted from her was pity, yet he feared that's what she was feeling now. Poor Daniel, in love with a woman who thought of him like a brother.

Daniel knew that he was being unfair to Sam. She probably wasn't thinking that at all. But the fact remained that, right now, he just couldn't feel comfortable in her presence. He just needed to be away from her. He was sure that, in time, that feeling would fade, and they could go back to the way things were before his confession to her. He didn't know how long that would take, but they'd get there.

Now that he wasn't so painfully aware of Sam's presence, Daniel began to relax and really devote all of his attention to the ruins and the writing he came across, the archeologist and linguist inside him coming to the fore.

All thoughts of the people who used to live there came to a sudden halt at the sound of stone hitting stone. Daniel spun around just in time to see a man appear from behind the remains of one of the buildings and aim a rifle at him.

* * *

Sam slowly wandered around the ruins, gradually moving in the direction Daniel had taken. She knew he needed some space, but they really shouldn't have separated. There had been no sign that anyone lived here, but that didn't mean that there weren't other dangers about. They knew nothing about the wildlife on this planet, and there was always the danger of a building collapsing.

Something off to the left caught Sam's attention. She approached the item and squatted down to examine it. It was the broken remains of some kind of weapon, a rifle-like device with a very large bore barrel. Beside the weapon was one of its projectiles. Sam picked it up and accidentally cut her finger on it. The thing looked like a cross between a large caliper bullet and two arrowheads mounted at right angles from each other. It was wickedly sharp and made from some kind of hard metal. It would do a tremendous amount of damage to any living thing it hit.

Suddenly, the realization struck Sam that the weapon, crafted mostly from wood, could have been lying here for no more than a few years.

No sooner had that thought entered Sam's mind when she was startled by a sound similar to the report of a rifle coming from the direction Daniel had taken.

Sam jumped to her feet and ran forward, P-90 clutched firmly in her grasp. She could hear more rifle fire, interspersed with the report of Daniel's sidearm. Not stopping, she grabbed her radio.

"Colonel! We're under attack! We need backup!" She heard Jack say that he and Teal'c were on their way.

Sam rounded one of the larger structures and came upon the sight of Daniel on the ground, his back turned toward her, firing at over a dozen men armed with weapons like the one she'd found. Three other men lay unmoving on the ground. The archeologist had taken shelter behind the remnants of a wall, but it was only a place of temporary safety. The natives were moving to surround him.

Sam opened fire on the attackers. The greater firepower of her weapon had the men running for cover, several more of their numbers already lying dead on the ground.

The major dove inside the remains of a building as a hail of the 'arrowhead bullets' were fired at her. She returned fire, taking down a couple more natives. Among the men, she spotted one whose clothing was far more ornamental than the others. Guessing that he might be the leader or at least someone of importance, she took careful aim and pulled the trigger. The man cried out and crumpled dead to the ground.

Apparently, the death of the man enraged the remaining six guys so much that they decided to get stupid . . . or suicidal. They all rushed her as one. A single spray from her P-90 brought all of them down.

In the deafening silence that followed, Sam called out, "Daniel, are you all right?" She received no answer. "Daniel?"

Getting worried, Sam dashed to his position, her eyes darting about for any signs of other hostile natives.

The archeologist was lying on his side, unmoving. She took hold of his shoulder and turned him over.

"Oh, God," she gasped.

There was a large wound in Daniel's chest, blood flowing with alarming rapidity from it. Trying not to panic, Sam unfastened his vest, which had failed to halt the projectile, then ripped away the T-shirt to uncover the wound. It looked horrendous. She reached for her first-aid supplies and packed the wound as best as she could, trying to hold pressure on it with one hand as she keyed her radio with the other.

"Colonel, it's Carter. Daniel's been injured. We need a medical team here fast."

"What's your situation?" Jack asked.

"I think we're secure for now. We were attacked by natives. They've all been taken out, but there could be others in the area."

"How bad is Daniel?"

Sam looked down at the archeologist's ashen face, at the blood that was already soaking through the bandages.

"It's bad, sir. I don't think he can wait for us to get him to the gate."

There was a brief silence. "Understood. I'll send Teal'c to the gate for help. I'm on my way. O'Neill out."

Just then, Daniel's eyes fluttered open, slightly glazed and filled with pain. A portion of her mind finally registered the fact that his glasses were gone.

"Hang on, Daniel," Sam told him, fighting to keep her voice steady. "Help is on the way. You're going to be all right."

Daniel's eyes cleared, his gaze fixed upon her. "Sam," he whispered.

"Yes, it's me, Daniel. I'm right here. You've been shot, but you're going to be just fine. Teal'c's gone to get the medics."

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

"Sorry? Daniel, you have nothing to be sorry for. By my count, you were attacked by eighteen men, and all you had was your sidearm. It's amazing that you managed to hold your own at all."

Daniel's head shook very slightly. "I'm sorry I came over last night. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No! Please don't say you're sorry, Daniel. I'm . . . I'm glad you told me. I wouldn't have wanted you to keep it a secret."

Daniel continued as if he hadn't heard her. "I'm not . . . I'm not mad at you. It's . . . not your fault that I fell in love with you, but you can't love me back."

Sam gasped sharply upon hearing Daniel's confession that he was in love with her.

"I understand," he said on a soft sigh. His eyelids began to slide shut.

"No!" Sam cried, shaking his shoulder. "Don't you give up on me, Daniel. Please. You have to get better because . . . because we're going to go on a date when you get out of the infirmary. I already know what restaurant we'll go to. I hear it's really nice." When Daniel didn't reply, Sam's panic returned. "I shouldn't have said no, Daniel. I should have said yes. I was wrong. I should have given it a chance. But we can still have that chance."

Daniel's eyes had drifted away from hers and were staring up at the sky.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," he said in a light, whispery voice. "It's cold. Is the sun going down?"

A sob caught in Sam's throat, tears coursing down her face. She grabbed hold of one of his hands. It felt icy to the touch.

"Daniel, please," she begged. "Please."

A small, peaceful smile curved Daniel's lips. "Sha're," he murmured.

And then he died.

"No," Sam sobbed. "No."

Deep sobs welling out of her, Sam gathered Daniel's limp form into her arms, tears falling like rain on his still face as her heart shattered into a million pieces.

* * *

Running as fast as he could, Jack hurried through the ruins to the place that Daniel's and Sam's locators were telling him they were. So far, he'd seen no sign of the natives that had attacked them, but that didn't mean some weren't around somewhere.

Hurrying around a corner, Jack came to a sudden stop, the sight before him freezing him in his tracks. Sam sat on the ground, the wetness of tears shining on her face. In her arms lay Daniel, his unmoving chest covered in blood, sightless eyes turned to the sky.

"God," Jack choked out.

Anguish burning like fire in his chest, he slowly covered the rest of the distance. Sam seemed to be unaware of his presence. His gaze on the face of his best friend, Jack knelt beside them. Knowing it was pointless, he felt for a pulse in Daniel's neck. His eyes closed upon finding none. He sank on his haunches as grief filled all the places inside him.

Jack remained unmoving for a long moment as he tried to push away the pain, finding that, this time, he simply couldn't. At last, with a deep, shaky sigh, he reached out a hand and gently closed Daniel's eyes.

The radio crackled to life. "O'Neill, the medical team has arrived," said Teal'c. "We are on our way to your location."

Jack swallowed and pressed the button of his radio. "Teal'c, it's . . . it's too late. Daniel . . . Daniel's dead."

The statement was greeted with silence. Jack turned back to Sam. Her eyes were fixed upon the face of the man in her arms.

The colonel laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Sam."

"It's my fault," she whispered. "It's my fault."

Jack studied her. The military part of him wanted to know what happened, but the friend didn't care. All that mattered right now was that Daniel was dead, and, this time, he was never coming back.

When Teal'c, SG-5, and the medical team arrived sometime later, Sam was still sitting in the same place, Daniel's head now resting in her lap, as if he was merely sleeping. Jack was sitting with his back against the wall. The colonel watched as the Jaffa, his dark faced colored with grief, slowly approached. There were tears shimmering in his eyes as he knelt and laid a gentle hand on Daniel's head.

"If we had arrived sooner. . . ." he said.

Jack shook his head. "He was already gone when I got here, Teal'c. You couldn't have run to the gate fast enough to save him."

Teal'c's eyes went to the bodies of the dead natives, hating them and their people for the death of a man he had come to love like a brother. It should not be this way. Daniel Jackson's death was so pointless. To the Jaffa, it felt wrong on a deep, fundamental level that, after so many years of fighting to win the battle against the Goa'uld, his friend should perish on a mission that would save no lives, accomplish no victories, achieve no mighty goals.

Jack looked down at his dead friend. "It's . . . it's time to take him home." He got to his knees and touched his 2IC's arm. "Sam."

For the first time since he'd arrived, she looked up at him. The terrible anguish in her eyes speared right through him.

"He's really dead this time," she said.

Jack's throat tightened. "Yeah."

With Teal'c's help, Jack lifted Daniel up and laid him on the stretcher the medics had brought.

The trip to the gate was the longest, most heartbreaking hour Jack had gone through since the death of his son. Out of respect, one of the medics had covered Daniel with a blanket. No one spoke. There was sorrow on the faces of every member of SG-5. Daniel hadn't been their teammate, but he had been liked and deeply respected by all of them. His death was a terrible loss to the SGC.

When the party came through the gate and everyone saw the covered body on the stretcher, utter silence descended upon the gate room and the control room above. General Hammond felt a fist squeeze his heart like a cruel vice. There had been so many deaths under his command, but this one, like the loss they'd all suffered just a few weeks ago, was a pain almost too great to bear.

Daniel was taken to the infirmary. Doctor Brightman blanched slightly upon seeing what lay upon the stretcher.

"Put . . . put him there," she said softly, sadly, pointing to one of the beds. The stretcher was laid upon it, then the medics and SG-5 left. The doctor pulled the blanket away, revealing Daniel's face, its skin the color of death.

Her gaze went to the man's teammates. They were all staring at him. She didn't know what to say. Though she was very new to the SGC, it hadn't taken long for her to see the bond that existed between the members of SG-1. Now, they had lost one of their own.

"I'm sorry," she said, knowing it was terribly inadequate. She let out a sigh. "You need to go get your post-mission checkups. I . . . I promise that I'll take good care of him."

Watching them leave, Doctor Brightman sighed again. "Damn," she whispered.

The debriefing took place two hours later, Hammond choosing to give the surviving members of SG-1 a little extra time to recover. Jack and Teal'c gave their report on what they'd found, which was nothing of consequence. All eyes then turned to Sam. She hadn't spoken a word since entering the room.

"Major Carter," the general prompted gently.

"It's my fault," Sam said. "Daniel's dead because of me."

The three men all exchanged a look.

"Tell us what happened, Sam," Hammond said, his voice soft and gentle.

Slowly, haltingly, Sam began recounting the events that led up to Daniel's death, leaving out the personal things.

"You let Daniel go off by himself?" Jack interrupted when she came to that part.

"We'd seen no signs of anyone having been in the ruins. I-I didn't know. I didn't know." Sam closed her eyes tightly, bowed her head and hid her face behind her hands, fighting with all her might not to cry.

Seeing that she was losing control, General Hammond chose to move on. "Please continue, Major."

With great difficulty, Sam finished the narrative. By the time she to got to the point where Daniel died, she could no longer stop the tears.

Hammond sighed softly. "I cannot tell you how terribly sorry I am. The loss of Doctor Jackson is one that is far too great to measure. He was more than just a man under my command. He was a dear friend, and I have no words to express the sorrow I am feeling." He studied the three people at the table. "You are all dismissed. Go home. You are all on leave effective this moment. You can write your reports at home, and I'll have someone pick them up." His gaze focused on Sam, who was looking at no one. "Take as much time as you need to write them."

Jack cleared his throat. "Sir. The . . . the service."

"I'll make all the arrangements, Jack. Daniel will be given full military honors as befits the fine and great man that he was. He may not have been in the military, but he was as much a warrior and soldier in our fight against the Goa'uld as any military man or woman on this base."

General Hammond watched the three people leave the room. He then went to his office and closed both doors, lowering the blinds to cover the window. Completely alone, George Hammond slowly sat down, lowered his head into his hands, and let himself grieve.

* * *

Daniel's memorial service took place three days later. So many people were in the gate room that there was barely a space between them. Everyone there was a member of the SGC – with one exception. Cassandra Fraiser, her eyes red from the tears she had cried almost nonstop since receiving the call from Jack, was standing at the front of the crowd. When her mother died, she had not attended the military funeral, too devastated to handle it. Instead, she had gone to the public service that was held the next day so that all Janet's family and friends outside the program could pay their respects. There would be no public service for Daniel. His life had been in the SGC, virtually every tie to friends on the outside having been severed when he went on the first mission and stayed on Abydos. Only Sarah Gardner, released from the control of Osiris just a few months ago, remained. She had been invited to the service, but had chosen not to come.

Near the ramp, standing silently between Jack and Teal'c, was Sam. She wished that her father was there. She so desperately needed him to lean on, to keep her from falling apart. But, though a message had been sent to the Tok'ra, they hadn't heard back yet.

Her eyes fell upon the urn that sat upon a stand on the ramp, bathed in the wavering blue light of the open Stargate. There was a terrible feeling of emptiness inside her, as if someone had taken a knife and cut out her heart, leaving an aching void behind. When Janet died, it had hurt so much, but this . . . this was a hundred times worse. It was as if a part of her had died, too, and Sam didn't think that she would ever feel whole again.

The room went silent as General Hammond walked up the ramp, past the urn, and to the lectern that had been placed against the right railing. He looked around at the sad, somber faces.

"Today, we are here to honor the life of the man who made this place possible. Daniel Jackson opened the Stargate and, in doing so, expanded our understanding of the universe beyond anything we'd previously dreamed. We've suffered many losses since then, but we have also achieved things of greatness. Medicines and technologies that may one day save countless thousands are now ours because of the Stargate, because of Daniel. He was the heart of the SGC, our soul and our conscience. When he ascended, we lost that heart for a long year. Now . . . now, we have lost it again, and I know that each and every one of us here will feel that loss in one way or another."

Hammond's eyes went to Jack. "I will now let the man who was Daniel's friend and team commander say a few words."

Jack went to the lectern, the general's hand resting for a moment on his shoulder in silent support. The colonel stared for a long moment at the floor, gathering his thoughts and gaining control of his emotions. At last, he lifted his head.

"Six years ago, I stood in this room on a similar occasion and talked about Daniel, about what he was to this program. That time, we were all blessed to get him back. I wish with all my heart that the same could be true this time."

Jack cleared the tightness from his throat. "General Hammond has already spoken of Daniel's importance to the program, speaking truths much like the ones I did during that other memorial service. So, instead, I'm going to talk about Daniel himself. He was like no other man I have ever met. He had a morality and compassion for others that, in all these years, never wavered. So many times, he fought against the military, against the government . . . against me to make sure that the right thing was done. He never gave in, and he never sacrificed his principles, no matter how many were against him. I never truly appreciated the strength it took for him to do that. But I do now, and I can say that Daniel Jackson was a far, far better man than I could ever hope to be. He was . . . he was my friend, and I was so damn privileged to be _his_ friend."

Jack drew in a slightly unsteady breath. "The SGC will carry on without Daniel, just as he'd have wanted it to, but it will be far poorer for his passing. We _all_ will be poorer."

Jack left the ramp and returned to his teammates. He watched as six airmen and women carried a flag up the ramp, positioning it over the urn, then folded it in the decades-old ceremony. He stepped forward to receive the flag, his mind going back to that day six years ago when he did the same. This time, instead of Teal'c, it was Sam he turned the flag over to. She pressed it against her chest, an expression of desolation in her eyes. He could not look in those eyes for long.

The colonel turned on his heels and went to the urn. He was joined by Teal'c. The colonel and the Jaffa lifted the urn and, as the sound of a horn playing "Taps" filled the gate room, carried it up the ramp. They removed the lid and carefully tipped the mouth into the event horizon, spilling the ashes into the wormhole, sending the remains of Daniel Jackson on his final journey through the Stargate.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Sam sat curled on the couch, a pillow hugged to her chest. It had been one day since Daniel's funeral, a day of grief and pain . . . and horrible, unrelenting guilt. It was eating her alive from the inside. Daniel was dead because of her. If it had not been for what she'd told him that night, he wouldn't have felt the need to go off alone. If she had done her duty and insisted on staying with him, she'd have been there when the natives attacked.

Sam ignored the knock on the door, not feeling up to talking to anyone. She was surprised when it opened after a moment. Looking up, she saw her father.

"Sammie," he said roughly. "I didn't get the message until a few hours ago. I came through as soon as I could." He walked forward. "Oh, sweetheart, I am so sorry."

Sam began to cry. "Daddy."

Jacob hurried to her and gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly as she wept. It was a very long time before Sam quieted.

"He told me that he loved me," she said in a tiny voice.

Surprised by the confession, the Tok'ra just looked at her.

"The . . . the night before h-he died, he came here. He asked me on a date and told me that he had feelings for me. Oh, God, Daddy. I turned him down. I told him that I didn't feel that way about him and never would. I hurt him so much."

Jacob sighed silently, holding her tighter still. For a long time now, he had hoped that, someday, Daniel and his daughter would get together. In the archeologist he had seen a man who could give Sam everything she could ever want in a relationship. After all these years, Daniel had at last taken the step that Jacob had hoped he would, but was met with rejection. And, now, he was gone.

"On the mission, Daniel was so uncomfortable around me," Sam said. "In the ruins, he . . . he told me that he wanted to be alone. I know it was because he wanted to be away from me. And so I let him go. He was all alone without backup when the natives attacked. Daniel is dead because of what I said and did. It's all my fault."

Though Jacob tried to ease his daughter's guilt, nothing he said did any good. It was after one a.m. before she finally went off to bed.

The next day was an especially bad one for Sam. It was Thanksgiving, a day that the team usually shared over turkey and other traditional fare. Sam spent the day mostly in tears. Her father looked on, worried sick about her and not simply because of the tears. She had cried for hours after Daniel ascended. This was different and far worse. It was as if the weight of her grief and guilt was crushing her spirit, and he didn't know what to do or say to help her.

Jacob stayed for two more days after Thanksgiving, becoming progressively more worried. Sam barely ate, and there were ever-present circles under her eyes, made all the more obvious by her paleness. He had to wonder how much sleep she was getting. Last night, he'd gone to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and heard her crying. The night before, she'd had a nightmare, calling out Daniel's name in anguish.

Jacob considered asking his daughter to speak to a therapist who specialized in grief counseling, but he knew that she would refuse. Instead, he tried to cheer her up in every way he could think of, but he never managed to get even a ghost of a smile from her.

On the day Jacob had to return to the Tok'ra, he told Sam that he was going to go for a little walk. He went to a convenience store a few blocks away and made a call on the pay phone.

"Jack, it's Jacob. We need to meet."

"Um . . . okay. Where are you calling from? I didn't recognize the number."

"I'm at a pay phone at that little store near Sam's. Meet me in the park that's across the street from here."

"All right. I'll head right on over there."

Jack arrived at the park several minutes later.

"Okay, what's up, Jacob?" the colonel asked as the two men sat down at a picnic table.

"It's about Sam. I'm worried sick about her. Daniel's death has hit her really hard."

Jack's gaze fell to the top of the table. "It's hit us all hard, Jacob. There have been so many times when we thought we'd lost Daniel or were going to lose him, yet he always managed to make it through. A big part of me still can't believe that he's really gone this time."

The Tok'ra shook his head. "It's more than that, Jack." He studied the man. "I'm assuming you know that Daniel and Sam weren't together when the natives attacked."

Jack frowned and nodded.

Jacob noticed the frown. "Did Sam tell you why?"

"She just said in the debriefing that she had thought it was safe."

"Well, I think you need to know why. Sam will probably kill me for telling you, but I'll take my chances."

Jacob recounted what Sam had revealed. The news shocked and dismayed the colonel.

"This is tearing her apart, Jack," Jacob told him, "and nothing I've done has helped. I know that she'll refuse to speak to a professional if I ask her to, but you're her C.O."

"You're asking me to order her to go to a shrink?"

"Not exactly. Tell her that she can't be cleared for full active duty until she's received some counseling. To be honest, she really shouldn't be cleared for full duty. She is not in the right frame of mind to go off-world. You have a psychiatrist who treats the SGC personnel, don't you?"

"Yeah, but there ain't no damn way I'd send her to that quack MacKenzie, so it would have to be Doc Richardson. He's the one who treats most of the personnel."

"Talk to George about it, Jack. You need to get her to talk to someone."

After receiving a promise that the colonel would take care of it, Jacob studied the man sitting on the other side of the table. "How are you doing, Jack? And don't tell me that you're okay."

The colonel didn't reply for a long time. "It hurts," he finally admitted in a low voice. "Closing up his place was . . . hard. It wasn't easy when we did it after he ascended, but this time. . . ." Jack sighed softly. "Sam doesn't know that Teal'c and I did it. We didn't tell her. We figured that she wasn't up to helping this time."

Jack looked off at the trees. "There were so many times that Daniel and I didn't see eye-to-eye, a few times when I felt like strangling him. I missed him when he was gone for that year, more than I was willing to admit even to myself. But now. . . . He's not coming back this time. He really is dead, no reprieves, no second chances. When he was dying from the radiation poisoning, I totally screwed up on telling him how much his friendship meant to me. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself that I didn't take the opportunity to do it right."

Jacob understood that regret very well, being no stranger to it himself. "When do you return to duty?" he asked after several seconds of silence.

"Tomorrow. I'd have preferred to have been back to work already. All I've done at home is sit in my recliner and drink beer. You're lucky that you caught me early. I'd probably have been drunk again by this afternoon."

There was a slight note of flippancy in Jack's voice, but Jacob saw the pain beyond.

He got to his feet. "I want you to promise to look after my little girl, Jack."

The colonel also stood. "For as long as I'm able, Jacob."

* * *

The next day came too soon for Sam. She didn't want to go to work. Work was where memories of Daniel would be so much stronger, where the weight of her guilt over her failure to protect a teammate would be so much heavier.

After arriving and changing out of her civvies, Sam went straight to her lab, ignoring every look, acknowledging every statement of condolence with just a nod of her head. She shut her lab door once she got there, something she'd never done before.

For the next three hours, Sam worked with almost manic desperation, trying to drive out of her mind all thoughts of Daniel. But it didn't work, and she ended up getting so little accomplished that she might as well not have been there.

The ringing of the phone startled her. She answered the call and was told that Hammond wanted to see her in his office. With a weary sigh, she went to see him.

"Sit down, Major," he instructed gently. He studied her for several seconds, concerned by her appearance. "Sam. I know that you've been having a hard time dealing with what happened."

Sam frowned. "Did you talk to my father?"

"He spoke to Colonel O'Neill, and the colonel spoke to me. We know the whole story, Sam, and we're all worried about you. I would like you to speak to Doctor Richardson about your feelings."

Sam was appalled that her father had told Jack something so private. "With all due respect, sir, I don't see the point. What can he possibly say to change things? Daniel is dead, and I'm responsible. Nothing will ever change that."

"Major, not a man or woman on this base hasn't made mistakes."

Sam started getting upset. "And how many of those mistakes killed one of their friends, sir? How many of their mistakes took away someone who . . . who loved them? All he wanted was to go on a date, just a date, but I said no. I rejected him. I would give anything to take back the things I said to him. I would give my life a thousand times to save him. All Doctor Richardson will say is that I need to work through my guilt and grief, that I need to accept what happened and move on. Well, I can't accept it. I can't work through it. One of the best friends I've ever had is dead, and I'm to blame. How do I work through that?"

Hammond was silent for a long moment before replying. "By taking things one day at a time, by getting up each morning, living your life, and cherishing the memories of the years you had with Daniel. When we lose someone we love, that's all we really can do. I'm no stranger to guilt, Sam. I've made mistakes that resulted in bad things happening. But I didn't let it destroy me. I carried on, and, in time, the guilt faded. It never completely went away, but it became bearable."

Sam was now staring at her lap, trying not to cry. The general got up and came around his desk. He leaned over and took her shoulders.

"Talk to Richardson, Sam. Maybe it won't help, but maybe something he says will. You and I both know that you can't resume your duties as a member of SG-1 in your present state of mind."

Sam finally nodded, knowing that he was right. If she couldn't even work effectively in her lab, she certainly couldn't go on a mission. She got to her feet and, much to her surprise, received a long hug from the general.

"You'll get through this, Sam," he said after they parted. "Right now, it may not seem like you will, but time does heal our wounds. The scars may not completely go away, but we learn to live with them."

It was the next day that Sam had her first session with Richardson. She tried to take in what he was saying, but it only succeeded in upsetting and angering her. It wasn't much better during the next session on the following day, though she did manage to listen without getting mad. But nothing he said helped at all. The same was true for the third sessions on Friday.

That entire first week back at work was dreadful. No matter what she did, no matter how hard she tried to work, thoughts of Daniel and his death would not leave her mind. Several times, she had to escape to her quarters for a few minutes. She figured that everyone had gotten used to seeing the evidence of tears on her face.

The lack of sleep didn't help either. Sleeping was a struggle, even on the few nights that she didn't have a nightmare about Daniel's death. She ended up drinking a whole lot of coffee during the day – which also made her think of Daniel.

Though she'd had very little appetite since it happened, Sam had been making an effort to eat. She was entering the commissary at ten o'clock Monday morning for a late breakfast when she saw Jack sitting at a table, a pile of files beside him and a deep frown on his face. Why it was that he usually chose to work in the commissary instead of his perfectly good office was something she'd never understood.

Deciding to say hi, she started over to him. At that moment, he picked up one of the files and opened it. It was a personnel file, and, all at once, Sam knew what he was doing. He was searching for a replacement for Daniel.

Sam's appetite fled. She turned quickly and escaped, heading straight to her quarters. Sitting on the bed, her knees pulled up to her chin, she closed her eyes tightly as a wave of grief rose up over her.

How was she ever going to go on a mission with another person in Daniel's place? When he ascended, she'd had to accept a new team member, ten of them, in fact, including Jonas Quinn. But it was so different now. Back then, Daniel had still been alive in some form, and she hadn't been carrying the guilt of his loss inside her.

Sitting there on the bed, thinking about all the months and years ahead, constantly surrounded by reminders of Daniel and her part in his death, Sam suddenly knew what she had to do. An hour later, she was standing at the doorway of General Hammond's office, a file folder in her hand.

"Come in, Major," he instructed.

Sam came forward. "Sir, I. . . ." She reached into the folder, pulled out a white envelope and handed it to the base commander. "General, I respectfully wish to resign my commission in the United States Air Force."

Shocked by the statement, Hammond stared at the envelope. He then lifted his eyes to Sam.

"Major, I understand your emotions, how difficult it has been for you to resume work after what happened, but to resign. . . . You've devoted so much of your life to the Air Force and to this program."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I just can't stay in the SGC anymore. I can't stay on SG-1 and go through the gate with some new team member, knowing that he's there instead of Daniel because of my mistakes. I failed Daniel, not just as a friend, but also as his teammate and the second in command of SG-1. I don't deserve to wear the uniform."

"I disagree," Hammond said. "Yes, you made a mistake, Major, but it was one caused by upsetting circumstances. In your place, I'd wager that many others would have allowed Daniel to have that time alone. If it hadn't been for those natives, he would have been perfectly all right."

"But he isn't perfectly all right, is he, sir. He's dead, and I'm responsible."

The tone of her voice and the look in her eyes told the general that nothing he said would assuage Sam's guilt. But he wasn't ready to give up quite yet.

"All right, Sam. But I want you to consider reassignment instead of resignation. Area 51's Research and Development department would benefit tremendously from your knowledge and abilities. Or you could go back to the Pentagon. I'm going to put you on an extended leave to think about it, two months. If, at the end of that time, you still feel that you can no longer be a part of the Air Force, I will accept your resignation."

Accepting his condition, Sam nodded. "Thank you, sir."

Hammond looked into her eyes. "Before you go, I want you to think about something. Daniel wouldn't want you to feel guilty over his death. He wouldn't want you to give up something you love because of what happened. Don't let his death destroy you, Sam. It would break his heart to see that happen."

* * *

When the knock came that evening, Sam knew who it was, who it had to be. Without a word she opened the door and let Jack in.

"Hammond told me about the resignation," he said.

Sam said nothing, only nodding.

Jack looked at her. "So, you want to give it all up."

Sam turned away, walking back into the living room. "I just can't do it anymore, Colonel. Every moment I'm on base, I can't stop thinking about . . ." her voice quavered, "about him."

Jack closed his eyes briefly. He, too, found his mind on Daniel during most of the time he was on base. He hadn't dared set foot on Level 18. He had a feeling he probably wouldn't be able to for a long time to come.

But the program needed Sam, needed her knowledge and skills. SG-1 needed her. He'd already lost his best friend and a member of his team. He didn't want to lose another.

"Sam, I know how much you're hurting. I'm hurting, too. So is Teal'c. Daniel was . . . he was special to all of us. We all lov—" Jack halted his words as his voice started to give out.

Sam turned to him, surprised by the open emotion in his words. When Daniel ascended, Jack had been so closed off, never showing how he felt, never admitting that he was hurting. But, this time, he wasn't hiding it. She could see it in his eyes, the darkness of grief. So lost in her own pain and guilt, she hadn't really thought much about how this was affecting her other teammates. That made her feel selfish and self-centered now.

Sudden tears began rolling down her face. Jack immediately came forward and pulled her into a gentle embrace. This was the second time that he'd held her as she cried over the loss of a friend. Like that time, he held her for as long as she let him, which turned out to be around a minute this time. She then pulled away, going off to get a few tissues from the virtually empty box.

"I don't know how you can stand to be near me," she said.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Sam turned to him. "He's dead because of me, because of what I said and because I allowed him to go off alone on a potentially dangerous, alien world."

"Dammit, Carter. It was Daniel who chose to go off alone. That was his decision. He should have known that it wasn't wise. But it's not like it's the first time he did that. How many other times did he wander off without us when there was some fascinating archeological stuff to see? More times than I can count. And it wasn't just when he was playing archeologist. Look at that stuff with the Enkarans when he decided to play Lone Ranger and talk to that robot Lotan guy. Daniel did what he wanted to do, and I'm betting that, even if you had said no, he'd have figured out a way to get away from you for a while."

"But that's the whole point, isn't it," Sam said. "He shouldn't have wanted to get away from me. It's my fault that he did. I hurt him, and I can never, ever forgive myself that he died with that hurt still inside him." She started to cry again. "He loved me, and I threw that love back in his face." Sam turned her back to him again. "Please, sir. I really need to be alone."

Jack let out a tired sigh. "All right, Sam. But I want you to know that Teal'c and I are here for you. All you need to do is call, and one of us will come right over . . . or both of us, if you want."

Sam nodded, wiping her face. "Thank you, sir."

Jack headed for the door. He paused before going out. "You're not the one to blame for this, Sam . . . I am."

The statement made her turn to look at him.

"I chose to split up the team," he said. "I should have kept us together."

Sam shook her head. "But, sir, we've split into two groups lots of times."

"But we shouldn't have this time. I made an error in judgment, and Daniel paid the price."

Saying nothing more, Jack walked out the door, shutting it behind him, leaving Sam to the realization that more than one of them was living with a burden of guilt.

* * *

The next day, Sam decided that she needed to get away for a few days. She threw some clothes and other stuff in a suitcase, hopped in her car, and just drove, ending her journey at the Pacific Ocean. She stayed on the coast for three days, walking on the beach every day, trying to find some peace inside herself. She was only partly successful, her thoughts too often going to Daniel and wishing that he was there with her, wishing that she'd spent more time with him as a friend.

The night Sam got back home from her trip she had another dream about him. But this one was not about his death. He was alive . . . and he was kissing her, lying with her on a beach, his hands caressing her softly. He whispered, "I love you," in her ear and smiled down at her, his eyes shining with love. It felt so good, so perfect, more wonderful than anything Sam had ever known. She said, "I love you," back to him.

And then she awoke, and the perfect, wonderful feelings vanished. Tears flooding her eyes, Sam turned her face into the pillow. Why did she have such a dream? What twisted, dark corner of her subconscious had decided to torture her like that? In reality, she wasn't in love with Daniel, but in that dream. . . . Was this her subconscious mind's way of showing her what she could have had if she hadn't said no that night? Was it telling her that, if she'd only given it chance, she could have come to love Daniel like that?

That dream proved to be only the first of many such dreams, ones of the two of them in a relationship, completely in love. What was so heartbreaking about the dreams is how very happy she was in them. She felt so joyful, so complete, like Daniel had taken all the empty places within her and filled them with love. And then she awoke to the cruel reality of the real world, a world in which she would have none of those things with him, no kisses, no romantic dinners or evenings cuddling on the couch . . . no expression of love in his beautiful blue eyes. Out of all the dreams, the worst were the ones in which the two of them made love, for waking up from those dreams made Sam feel so lonely and empty inside that she just curled up and cried.

When Sam arose from bed on the cold, clear morning of December 21, it was with a lighter mood. It was a special day. Cassie would be arriving to spend half the Christmas break with her. Sam was looking forward to it. In truth, it was the first thing she'd looked forward to since that horrible day. She had considered going to her brother's for Christmas but decided that she just wasn't up to being around a lot of relatives chatting, singing Christmas carols and being merry.

Sam spent the early morning straightening up the house, then headed off to the Denver airport. Cassie's flight was on time, and it wasn't long before Sam spotted the teenager. She smiled and waved.

Cassie came forward, appalled at what she was seeing. Sam looked terrible, so tired and pale. She also looked like she'd lost quite a bit of weight. Had she been ill?

"So, how's school?" Sam asked once they were on the road.

"All right. Two of my professors are excruciatingly boring. Half the class falls asleep."

Sam smiled. "I didn't have that problem at the Academy, but when I was going for my doctorate . . . oh boy. Professor Pemberton would put an insomniac to sleep."

They fell silent for a moment, then got into another conversation, which is how it went for the rest of the trip to Sam's. Out of the corner of her eye, the astrophysicist saw Cassie glance at her repeatedly during every bout of silence.

At last, they were home. After getting Cassie unpacked in the spare bedroom, Sam asked if the teen was hungry. Cassie nodded, and they went to the kitchen to fix lunch.

Sam was cutting up an apple when Cassie abruptly asked, "Sam, are you all right?"

The astrophysicist paused briefly, then resumed what she was doing. "Sure, I'm fine."

"No, you're not," the girl countered with an accusatory tone. "You've lost a lot of weight, and you look like you've been sick. Have you been sick?"

Sam shook her head. "No, I haven't been sick."

Cassie studied her. "It's because of Daniel, isn't it."

Sam froze in place, her hand clutching the knife spasmodically. She then quickly finished cutting the apple and went to the refrigerator.

"What would you like to drink?"

Cassie didn't reply. Instead, she said, "You loved him."

Sam closed her eyes and shut the refrigerator.

"Yes, I loved him, Cass. He was my friend."

"No. You were in love with him."

Sam shook her head and turned to the girl. "No. I didn't . . . I didn't feel that way about him."

"I think you did. There's this senior named Patricia. She and her boyfriend had been together since they were freshmen. He was killed last month in a car accident, and she fell apart. She just about starved herself and was barely sleeping. She looked like you do, Sam."

The astrophysicist sat down across from her goddaughter. "I'm not starving myself, Cassie. I just haven't had much of an appetite. I haven't lost as much weight as I look like I have."

"But you're not sleeping, are you."

Sam sighed. "I've been having some trouble." Her gaze went to tabletop. "There are things about Daniel's death that you don't know, Cass. It was . . . it was my fault."

The teen stared at her. "How was it your fault?"

"I let him go off alone while on a mission when I shouldn't have. He was all by himself when some natives attacked. If I'd been there with him, we could have fought them off."

Cassie digested this news, certain that there was more to this than just guilt over not being with Daniel when he was attacked.

They ate their lunch in silence. Afterwards, they talked in the living room. Sam was very careful to keep the subject on Cassie, asking her all kinds of questions about school and how she liked college life. The teenager recognized what Sam was doing.

"Are you going to have to work at all while I'm here?" she asked.

"Nope. I'm on leave."

"For how long?"

Sam hesitated before replying. "Two months."

Cassie frowned. "Two months? Why so long?"

Sam stared at her clasped hands. "I'm considering resigning."

Cassie's mouth fell open. "From the Air Force?" She got a nod of confirmation. "But you love the Air Force!"

"It's hard to explain, Cass. I just . . . feel like I can't be at the SGC any longer. I could transfer to another post, but, right now, I just don't know if I can stay in the Air Force at all."

"Because of Daniel."

Sam got up. "Please, Cassie. I really don't want to talk about it."

The teen began to cry. "When Mom died, I didn't want to talk about how I felt, but you made me talk. You told me that talking would make me feel better, and it did."

Against her will, tears began sliding down Sam's face. For a long moment, she tried to keep it in, but it was a losing battle.

"I miss him," she whispered. "I miss him so much."

Cassie got up and wrapped her arms around her godmother. Sam held on as the two of them cried. It was a long time before they returned to the couch.

"Ever since he died, I've been thinking about all the things we never did together," Sam admitted in a low voice. "I thought of him as one of my very best friends, but we did so few things together outside of work. And I never told him how much he really meant to me, how precious he was to me. When he was dying from the radiation poisoning, I tried to tell him, but he was unconscious and never even heard me. And now he's gone forever, and I'll never get the chance."

Sam had yet another dream that night. It started out like the others, with her and Daniel together as a couple. They were playing with a golden-haired little boy with eyes that were mirror images of Daniel's. The archeologist was swinging the child around, making the boy giggle in delight as Sam looked on happily.

But then, suddenly, he put the boy down. In the next instant, the child vanished, as if he'd never existed.

Daniel's sad blue eyes looked at Sam. "I love you, Sam," he said. Then he began moving away from her. The sky started to darken, dense fog rolling in. Sam fought to see Daniel as he got farther and farther away.

"Daniel!" she cried. "Daniel, come back! Please don't leave me! Daniel!"

Sam awoke with a gasp, sitting straight up in bed, chest heaving.

"Oh, God," she whispered, covering her face with her hands.

After a while, she got up and went to the kitchen for some water. She wondered if there would be any point in going back to bed. In another hour it would be dawn.

As Sam's gaze wandered about the room, it came to a stop on the calendar. December 22.

All at once it hit Sam, with enough force to knock the breath from her lungs. It was the one-month anniversary of Daniel's death.

Sobs escaping from her lips, Sam slowly slid to the floor as a crushing weight of grief descended upon her. She didn't know how long it was before she felt arms go around her. She clung to Cassie like a devastated child.

"I loved him," she sobbed, finally seeing the truth that she had been blind to until now.

It felt like hours before the storm of emotions passed. They were now sitting on the couch, Sam's eyes aching from all the tears she'd shed.

"I was so stupid," she said. "Why didn't I see? Why didn't I know? If I hadn't been so blind, Daniel would still be alive."

Cassie didn't ask what Sam meant by that last sentence. She was more interested in trying to find some way to comfort her godmother. But what could she say to a woman who had just realized that she was in love with a man who was now dead?

That day was the worst one for Sam since the first week following Daniel's death. She had rejected him because she couldn't see the truth of her own feelings for him. Why didn't she see? Why had she been so blind? Why now, when it was so horribly too late, did she finally wake up to her feelings?

Now, all the dreams about her and Daniel made perfect sense. Her subconscious had already known what her conscious mind had failed to recognize. She could have had all those things with him, that happy, fulfilling life.

The next day, Sam had managed to mostly pull herself together, more for the sake of Cassie than anything else. She knew that she had to do a whole lot better, though. Jack and Teal'c would be coming over on Christmas Day to exchange presents. That made her think of a certain present that sat on a shelf in her closet, a gift that would never be given. She had been so looking forward to this Christmas, having decided to spend it with Daniel and the rest of her team since they had been without him the previous Christmas. But there would be no Christmas with Daniel, and there never would be again.

Refusing to let herself get really down again, Sam forcefully pushed that thought out of her mind.

On Christmas morning, Sam put on extra makeup in an effort to mask the paleness of her skin and the darkness under her eyes, and she wore an oversized sweater to hide her weight loss. She should have known that it wouldn't do any good. By the look on the faces of the two men when they arrived, the makeup and baggy clothes didn't fool them a bit. Neither men said anything, but their frowns spoke volumes.

After all the gifts had been given and received, Sam asked Jack if he would take the presents she'd gotten for a few people on base and give them out.

"You should do it yourself, Sam," he said. "Everyone would love to see you."

"I just don't feel up to it, sir. I'm sorry."

"Are you unwell, Major Carter?" Teal'c asked.

So, he'd finally said something about it. "No, I'm not sick, Teal'c," she replied.

"You've lost weight," Jack said accusingly.

"I really haven't lost all that much. Trust me. I'm not in any danger of wasting away. My appetite just hasn't been all that great lately." She got up. "Excuse me. I need to go use the bathroom."

When Sam finished and opened the door, she was startled to see Jack standing a few feet away.

"It's all yours," she said, assuming he needed the bathroom.

"I don't need the bathroom, Carter. You and I need to talk in private."

Sam noticed his use of her last name, which probably meant that he wasn't happy. He'd been calling her "Sam" all morning.

Feeling more than a little uncomfortable, Sam led Jack to her bedroom and closed the door.

Jack searched her face. "When is the last time you got a full night's sleep?"

Sam thought about it. "I . . . I don't remember. Before it happened, I think. And before you say anything, sir, it's not unusual for people to have trouble sleeping after . . . after losing someone."

Jack knew all too well how true that was. After Charlie's death, he barely slept for months. Even so, he knew that he had to say what he'd gotten her alone to tell her.

He looked into her eyes. "You have to get past what happened, Sam. You have to forgive yourself."

Sam returned the look boldly. "Did you ever forgive yourself for Charlie?"

Jack's expression closed off. "That's different."

"Is it? I don't see the difference. Daniel died because of something I did and something I didn't do."

Jack shook his head. "It isn't the same, Carter. Charlie was a child whom it was my responsibility to keep safe. He was my son."

"Daniel was a teammate, whom it was my responsibility to keep safe. And he . . . he was the man that I love."

Startled by the declaration, Jack stared at her.

"For a smart woman I really am stupid," she said, looking across the room. "I couldn't even see that I loved him. I thought that all I felt was friendship, though I realize now that I should have known a long time ago that I felt more. You know when I finally woke up to the truth? The one-month anniversary of his death."

'Crap,' Jack cursed silently. He could only imagine how Sam must be feeling.

"I don't even know when I fell for him. I don't think that I actually 'fell'. I think that I have been slowly coming to love him like this for years. It happened so gradually that I didn't see it. I wish I'd never seen it. It makes everything so much worse."

Sam headed for the door. "Teal'c and Cassie are probably wondering where we are." She went back out into the living room, followed shortly by Jack.

The colonel and Teal'c stayed a little while longer, then left, both men wishing that they knew how to ease their teammate's sorrow and guilt.

Sam made an effort to be a lot more cheerful during the rest of Cassie's visit. The day before she was due to leave, the teenager talked about canceling her other plans and staying with Sam the whole two weeks, but the astrophysicist would have none of it.

"You've planned that vacation with your friends for weeks, Cass. You need to go on it and have fun."

"There will be other vacations with them," the girl protested.

Sam's eyes focused on her with stark intensity. "Don't, Cassie. Don't ever assume that you'll have other times with the people you love. In an instant, something can happen to take them away."

Tears coming to her eyes, Cassie wrapped Sam in a tight hug.

The next day, Sam took her to the airport, and the two said goodbye, the girl promising to call often. Then Sam returned to her empty house.

* * *

The days passed. Jack called twice a week to check up on Sam, mentioning several times that they should all get together. Cassie also called a few times, always asking how she was doing. She told the teen that she was doing better, which was true. The bad days were getting fewer and farther in between, though the two-month anniversary was especially bad.

On the morning of February 1, Sam lay in bed, thinking about her future. She had only one more week of leave after today. By the end of that week, her decision about her career would have to be made. She couldn't put it off any longer.

Sam had just finished getting dressed when a sound made her freeze. It had come from inside the house. Going to the night stand, she slid one of the drawers open and pulled out her gun. She crept to the door and opened it a crack, looking out. Not seeing anyone, Sam opened the door further and entered the hall. She knew that she should have called 911 instead of handling this herself, but what if it was Jack? He might have knocked while she was in the shower.

But it was not Jack who was standing in her dining room. The person's back was turned to Sam, so she couldn't see their face.

"Don't move," Sam ordered. "I have a gun trained at your back, and, if you try anything funny, I will shoot."

A pair of hands went up, then the intruder slowly turned around. Sam let out a gasp, staring in utter shock at the person's features.

"Hello, Sam," said a familiar voice.

"Who are you?" Sam breathed.

"I should think that would be obvious. I'm you." 


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Sam's eyes searched the face of the woman. She looked to be several years older than Sam. There was a scar on the left side of her face, and there was a look in her eyes that spoke of someone who had suffered through years of grief and hardship.

"You're from the future," Sam determined.

The other Samantha nodded. "Around five Earth years from now."

"Why are you here? Why have you come back in time?"

"To save humanity."

"What are you talking about?"

"In the time that I come from, all human life on Earth has been destroyed by Anubis."

Sam gasped. "Oh my God. What happened?"

"Anubis gained access to the knowledge inside one of the Ancient repositories. He used it to utterly wipe out the other System Lords. After gaining complete control of the galaxy, he turned his attention to Earth. We didn't stand a chance. We received a warning early enough that we were able to evacuate a few thousand people to the Alpha Site. I was ordered to join them even though I wanted to stay behind and fight." Samantha paused for several seconds. "Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c stayed. They're both dead. So is General Hammond."

Sam's horror sharpened upon hearing the devastating news.

Samantha continued. "In the years since then, those of us who survived have continued fighting Anubis, but we all know that it's futile. Even with the help of the rebel Jaffa and Tok'ra who are still alive, there simply aren't enough of us to make much of a difference. And we have so few resources at our disposal."

She took a seat at the dining table. "A few months ago, we found an alien lab on a planet we were scouting. Among the devices was one that we were surprised to learn had the ability to show events that took place in the past. It was incredible. All you had to do was mentally concentrate on a particular event in history, and, with just a little effort, you could actually see it via a holographic viewscreen. Or you could follow the history of a particular individual backwards through the course of their lifetime. It was a pretty exciting discovery. But then, we discovered that there was a whole lot more to the device than that. Not only could it _show_ you events from the past, it also had the ability to transport a single person through time, into the past. We all realized what this meant. If we could find the place that Anubis found the repository, we could go back to a date before he got it and either take it or destroy it. We could change the events that led to the destruction of Earth. Some of the scientists thought it was too risky, that making that enormous a change in the timeline could result in a catastrophe. They were outvoted."

"How did _you_ vote?" Sam asked, very curious about the answer.

"Though, like all the scientists, I had concerns, I voted to go back." Samantha studied her face. "Does that surprise you?"

Sam thought about it a while before shaking her head. "You're talking about the fate of Earth and billions of lives. If it was my choice, I'd have to take the chance."

The older woman nodded. "Once the decision was made, the first step was to use the device to see where Anubis got hold of the repository. From the intel we'd received, we knew that he found the repository at the end of January of this year—"

Sam interrupted her. "January? But it's February! That means he already has it!"

Samantha nodded. "Yes, unless our intel was wrong."

"But I don't understand. If your plan is to keep Anubis from getting the repository, why did you come back to a date that's after he got it?"

"Because I can't go back any further. We didn't find out until it was too late that the device has a very set limit to how far an individual can travel back. It doesn't matter if the person takes one big jump or a dozen little ones. It is impossible for any individual to travel more than five point zero eight Earth years into their past. I'm at that limit now. If we'd found out just a few days sooner, I could have made it."

"There's no way around the limit?"

Samantha shook her head. "We figured it was some kind of safety feature programmed into the device by its makers. They probably didn't want people traveling back dozens or even hundreds of years and messing up history. I guess they decided that a hop back in time of just a few years probably wouldn't result in much damage to the timeline. Personally, I think they were idiots if that's what they believed. Even jumping back in time one day could result in major changes to the future."

That was when Sam realized why her older self had come here. "You want me to do it. You want me to go back."

"Yes."

"Why me? Why not Colonel O'Neill or someone else?"

Samantha's gaze met Sam's, an old, deep pain in her eyes. "Because I don't want you to go back a few days and destroy the repository; Sam. I want you to go back and save Daniel."

Sam's breath drew inward sharply.

The woman kept speaking. "I want you to undo the most horrible mistake I ever made in my life and save the man that I still love."

Hearing the woman say those words aloud made Sam's chest tightened.

"I never fully recovered from his death, Sam. Even now, after all the horrible things that have happened since then, I still miss him every day, and I still feel the guilt. If I hadn't been so stupid and blind about how I felt for him, if I hadn't rejected him like I did and then let him go off alone on that planet, he might still be alive."

Sam closed her eyes tightly, hearing the echo of the thoughts that had been haunting her day and night.

"Finding out what my actions also resulted in made it even worse."

Sam opened her eyes and looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"As I said, we used the device to spy on Anubis' past and find out where he got hold of the repository. When we found the place, one of the people viewing the hologram recognized it. He was a member of SG-2 and had gone there on a mission. There was a structure on the planet with Ancient writing on it, but no one at the SGC was able to translate the dialect." Samantha paused. "Everyone knew at the time that, if Daniel had still been alive, it was almost certain that he could have translated it." Samantha's gaze intensified. "It's very likely that the text would have told us that there was a repository there."

Horrified, Sam realized what the older version of herself was saying. "You're saying that, if Daniel hadn't died, we'd probably have found that repository before Anubis did. We'd have it in our hands right now."

Samantha nodded. "Anubis would not have gotten its knowledge, and Earth would not have been destroyed."

Sam slowly sat down, the weight of this new knowledge pressing upon on her. Her own actions had ultimately resulted in Anubis' conquest of the galaxy and the destruction of Earth.

Samantha leaned forward. "In saving Daniel, you'll save Earth and the rest of the galaxy as well, Sam. You can do both. You have to go back to before that night he came to your house. You have to undo those words you said to him and give him what you now know you want as much as he did. Then, when the mission comes, he won't go off by himself to be away from you, and he won't die."

Sam's gaze drifted away. She could save Daniel. She could undo her mistake and erase the pain and guilt that had filled her life for all these long weeks.

The voice of the scientist in Sam chose that moment to be heard. By saving Daniel instead of just taking care of the repository, she would be deliberately changing the history of the past ten weeks. It was impossible to guess how such a change would alter history in other ways besides preventing Anubis from getting the repository.

"I know what you're thinking, Sam," Samantha said. "I thought about it, too. I'm too much of a scientist not to. But I had to choose between being a scientist and being a woman in love, and you have to make that choice, too."

Sam thought about it. No matter which option she chose, she would be changing the future. There was no question of going back. All her training might be telling her that preserving the timeline was important, but the fate of Earth was _more_ important.

Could she give up this chance to save Daniel? Could she turn her back on rewinding these weeks of grief and guilt? Sam didn't have to think about it. She knew the answer.

The astrophysicist turned back to the woman across from her. "What do I need to do?"

Samantha looked into her eyes and knew what she had decided. A grateful smile touched her lips. She reached into the bag she carried and pulled out an odd-looking device that was roughly the size of a soccer ball. She set it on the table.

"It has two settings for time travel," she explained. "I used the first setting. With the other one, a person doesn't go back in time the same way I did. Instead, they . . . leap into the body of their former self."

Sam's eyebrows rose, thinking of the old TV series Quantum Leap, in which the consciousness of the time traveling hero, Sam Beckett, leapt into the bodies of people in the past.

Samantha smiled slightly. "Yes, I thought of Quantum Leap, too."

Sam gave a little laugh. "I remember watching that show and thinking about how ridiculous the whole concept was, that it wouldn't be possible."

"Yes, but that was before we started traveling through the Stargate and discovered that there really isn't much that actually is impossible." Samantha's smile disappeared. "When you merge with yourself in that time, you'll retain all your present memories. You'll know what you have to do."

"Do I have to physically be in the correct location?"

Samantha shook her head. "As long as you're within forty miles of your destination, you're fine. The device has a limited ability to move through space as well as time." She paused. "I wasn't so lucky. I had to take a Tel'tak to Earth and find the area where Colorado Springs used to be. It was . . . really hard seeing the destruction. Anubis left no place untouched. He destroyed every city, every town, then, from what we heard, sent legions of Kull Warriors to hunt down and kill the survivors."

Sam felt sick. She prayed that she'd be successful in changing history and preventing that horrible catastrophe.

She studied the woman before her. "What's going to happen to you if I succeed?"

"I'd guess that I'll cease to exist. I'll be replaced by another version of Samantha Carter, one who, hopefully, won't have suffered through the loss of everyone and everything she loved and won't bear the burden of guilt that haunts me every day of my life." Her eyes met Sam's. "If you do things right, that replacement Sam will be one who has a happy life with the man she loves."

Sam's gaze dropped to her lap. She didn't want to let herself hope for that. She was afraid to hope.

Pushing that thought aside, Sam switched back to scientist mode.

"This is going to cause a paradox. If I succeed, it will rewrite history in such a way that you will never have come back in time. But if you never come back in time—"

Samantha waved her hand impatiently. "Yes, yes, I know. We thought about all the ramifications and speculated about what might happen, including the possibility that a new, alternate universe would be split off from the original. The truth is that we don't really know how it will all work, although we do know that it is possible to change history. Remember P4C-970?"

It took Sam a moment to recognize the planetary designation. "The Aschen homeworld."

"Yes. We know that a future Jack O'Neill sent that note back in time. That was confirmed by the blood found on it. Because of the note, we did not go on the mission to that planet."

Sam gave a nod. "After we discovered the truth about the Aschen the following year, we suspected that, in the original version of history, Earth suffered the same fate as the Volians, that the Aschen deliberately sterilized the majority of Earth's population so that it could turn the planet into one big farm for their use."

"Yes. We've already changed Earth's future once. Now, we're going to do it again."

Sam stared at the device, really thinking about what she was about to do. It wasn't the first time she'd traveled back in time, but it _would_ be the first time she'd done so on purpose. And, this time, the fate of billions would be riding on the outcome, including the man she was in love with.

"After you've saved Daniel, you need to make sure that he translates the writing from the structure on that planet when the time comes," Samantha told her. "If, for some reason, he can't, then you'll have to take other steps to make sure the repository is found." Samantha gave Sam a piece of paper. "That's the gate address of the planet and the date that Lieutenant Wade said his team went there. We got lucky with that, too. The only reason why he remembered the date was that the mission took place on his wife's birthday. I can't be sure that saving Daniel won't alter the timeline in such a way that SG-2 won't go to the planet at the same time. If it looks like the mission might not take place like it did originally, you'll need that information."

"And the other date?"

"That's when our sources say that Anubis got the repository. We couldn't confirm it with the device since it uses a dating system that we couldn't figure out. As you can see, you're not going to have a lot of time between the date SG-2 went to the planet and Anubis did."

"I suppose it wouldn't be a good idea just to go ahead and tell everyone about this when I arrive."

Samantha looked at her closely. "What do _you_ think?"

"If I told them, they'd go get the repository right away, and we couldn't be certain how that would affect future events. I'd also have to surrender the device. We know that the rogue NID is apparently still active and still have their own plans regarding the Goa'uld. That was made pretty obvious by what we found in L.A. This device would be a gold mine to them. If they got hold of it, they could do all kinds of damage. Going back five years into the past, they could radically alter history."

Samantha nodded. "And considering their success in stealing other alien technology, the odds are pretty high that they could manage to get their hands on it. But there's something else you need to know. The device slowly loses power even when it's not in use. When we removed it from the lab, we didn't realize that it was being continually recharged by a huge generator underneath the lab. I couldn't come up with another way of recharging it, though I suppose it's possible that you could since you have greater access to technology."

"How long will the power hold out?"

"Before coming here, I took it back to the alien lab and recharged it, so it had a full charge when I started out. With one more use, I calculated that the power should last for another three and a half to four months, which will be plenty enough to get you past the crisis point. If you have to use it a second time, that number will be greatly shortened, and I can't guarantee that you'd have enough power left to make a return trip. So don't use it again unless you have no choice." She showed Sam where the power meter was. "For all we know, this might have been another safety feature of the designers."

Sam agreed that it might have been. If you knew that the device was only good for one round trip on a single charge and could only be recharged in one place, it would sort of put a damper on thoughts of stealing it or using it illegally.

The two Sams looked into each other's eyes, two versions of the same woman, both suffering the pain of loss and both determined to do all they could to undo that loss.

The elder woman got to her feet. "Are you ready to go?"

Sam nodded.

"You can't take anything with you, so memorize those dates and that gate address."

The astrophysicist did so, then laid the note on the table.

Samantha took the device into the living room and set it on the floor. She pressed a few buttons, and the device began to hum, several lights winking on. She told Sam to stand in front of the device and visualize herself and what she was doing at the moment in time to which she wanted to return. Sam did so and was amazed to see a hologram form before her. After a moment of distortion, it showed an image of herself seated at her worktable in her lab at the SGC. Sam knew that she'd gotten the date right because of the project that her former self was working on. It had been completed that day.

Sam's attention on the hologram was drawn away by the voice of Samantha.

"Good luck, Sam," the woman said. "I wish that I could be the one to go if for no other reason than to see him again. But maybe it's better that you are the one going. These years have changed me a lot, and, even if I succeeded and rewrote history, I don't think I could ever again be quite the person I was before Daniel died and we lost Earth. I've seen and gone through too much." She took a step back. "When you're ready, step inside the time field."

Sam noticed that there was a small circular area around the device that appeared slightly hazy and distorted. It was just big enough to contain one person.

Meeting the eyes of her older self one last time, Sam stepped into the circle. For a brief moment in time, she experienced an odd feeling of dislocation. Her mind rebelled at the sensation of being neither here nor there, and, for the smallest instant, she was assailed with panic. And then the feeling was gone, and Sam found herself seated at the worktable in her lab. Blinking, she looked about. Her eyes went to the small calendar by the computer. It read November 20. She'd done it!

Sam looked down and saw the device on the floor underneath her chair. She picked it up and locked it inside one of the cabinets.

"Hey, Sam," said a voice behind her.

Gasping, Sam spun around to see Daniel in the doorway of her lab. Seeing him standing there, so very much alive, made her emotions overflow, and, to her horror, she was suddenly crying.

Concerned and perplexed, Daniel stepped forward. "Sam, what's wrong?"

She shook her head, dashing away the tears. "Nothing. It's nothing. I'm just being stupid."

Daniel frowned. "You suddenly burst into tears, and you say it's nothing?"

Sam frantically tried to think up a reason for the tears. "I-I just, um . . . I had a really bad dream last night."

"It must have been quite a doozy."

The astrophysicist looked into his eyes. "You died."

Daniel paused. "Oh."

"The dream really shook me. I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Seeing you standing there, alive and well, it just. . . ." Sam shook her head. "Like I said. It was stupid."

Daniel gazed at her tenderly. "It doesn't sound all that stupid to me, Sam."

The quietly spoken words and the warm, gentle look in his beautiful eyes almost made Sam start to cry again. She wanted to put her arms around him, to feel his lungs expanding with air, to hear the beating of his living heart. She wanted to erase from her mind the sight of his chest stilling, never to rise again, as the life in his eyes flickered out forever.

Pushing away the horrible memory, Sam cleared her throat. "So, what brings you here?" She already knew the answer, of course.

"Lunch. Jack is still crowing about his team winning last night's hockey game, and I don't think I can bear listening to another play-by-play of the whole thing. If you're there, you can scare him away with technobabble, and he'll go off and bother someone else."

Sam laughed, recalling that's exactly what she did the first time around.

Lunch was rather strange for the astrophysicist, the feeling of deja vu so strong that it was unnerving. She had to be careful about what she did and said so as not to reveal the fact that she knew about things that were going to happen, like Lieutenant Fuller accidentally bumping the arm of Captain Dobbs and causing the man to drop his tray or SG-13's archeologist, Cameron Balinsky, complaining that all the chocolate pudding was gone.

But then, none of those things mattered one bit to Sam. She was too wrapped up in just watching Daniel, listening to his voice, soaking in the presence of him. She hadn't realized how much this would affect her, seeing him alive again. It was taking all her will power not to touch him. Truth be told, she wanted to do a whole lot more than just touch him. She wanted to pull his lips to hers and kiss him breathless. Of course, if she did that, it was likely that Captain Dobbs' tray wouldn't be the only one ending up on the floor.

Daniel was fully aware of the way Sam was looking at him. He was really wondering what the heck was going on. What kind of nightmare would make Sam act like she could barely take her eyes off him?

The archeologist stared down at his plate, picking at the food a bit before scooping up another bite. Tomorrow would be the day. He'd been gathering his courage for days, trying to decide what would be the best way to ask Sam out on a date. He was going to ask her to go out to lunch first, just two friends having a nice meal together. During the meal, however, he planned on asking her some questions that he'd never have considered asking before he came to the realization that he had more than friendship feelings for her. How she answered would determine if he followed through on his plan to ask her on a date.

Once he was back in his office, Daniel tried to resume work, but he was too distracted with thoughts of what tomorrow might bring. It still amazed him that he could have these feelings for Sam. When did his feelings for her start to change? He honestly didn't know. He'd been totally unaware of it until that day on Vis Uban when he first laid eyes on her with no memory of his previous life.

Daniel didn't know how deep these feelings would grow. He didn't know if he and Sam could have a good life together. He only knew that he didn't want to be just her friend any longer.

* * *

Daniel looked at Sam across the table. He'd managed to get her to go with him to lunch, and they were now at their favorite café, waiting for their orders to come.

"This is nice," Sam said, smiling.

"Yeah, it is. How long has it been since we did something like this?"

A flicker of something that looked like pain passed through Sam's eyes so quickly that Daniel wondered if he'd imagined it.

"Too long," she replied.

The archeologist studied her. "Sam, are you sure you're okay? I get the feeling that something's wrong."

The major put on a smile. "I'm fine, Daniel. I am a little tired. As you said, we've been working long hours."

Daniel decided not to push her. "Sometimes, it seems like work is all I do," he said instead.

"I know what you mean. I have no personal life to speak of anymore."

Daniel looked at her closely. "Do you want a personal life? Uh . . . wait. I didn't mean it like that. Of course you want a personal life. I mean do you want a . . . a social life, like unmarried people our age usually have?"

This time, knowing that the question was coming, Sam wasn't surprised by it. She replied without hesitation.

"If you're asking if I want to date, then, sure, if the right kind of guy asked me out, I certainly wouldn't say no."

"And what, in the opinion of Major Samantha Carter, is the right kind of guy?"

Sam was so tempted to say, "You," but stuck to the same answer she gave Daniel the first time around.

"I want a lot of the same things many women want, I suppose. A man who is a good person, who isn't stuck-up and really cares about people. Someone who's passionate about the things he loves and the things he believes in. It would be nice if he had at least one romantic bone in his body. I'm not the kind of girl who needs to be showered with flowers and love songs, but things like that are nice at least once in a while."

Daniel smiled. "I get the feeling that you've dated guys who weren't exactly the flowers and love songs type."

"Oh, we don't want to go into that, Daniel. Trust me."

The archeologist's smile broadened. "Okay, so a nice guy who's compassionate, isn't conceited, is passionate about his interests, and has a big enough germ of romance in his body – and enough brains in his head – to present you with the occasional bouquet of flowers and perform other romantic acts of love and affection. What else?"

Sam smiled at the last part of his summary. It was a bit different from last time. She continued with her list of boyfriend requirements.

"Well, for it to work out long-term, we'd have to be compatible. I've dated too many guys that I discovered I had absolutely nothing in common with. He'd have to be someone I can really talk to." She smiled again. "Someone who won't go cross-eyed or space out when I start talking science. He doesn't have to be a scientist like me, but it would be nice if I could hold an intelligent conversation with him."

Daniel nodded. "Conversation is good. A lot of guys aren't into the whole communication thing, but I know it's important in a relationship."

Sam gazed at him. "Sha're was one lucky lady."

Daniel blushed slightly. "Well, I don't know about that."

"_I_ do," Sam said intently.

Surprised, Daniel stared at her. "Um . . . thanks."

Sam nodded and took a sip of her soda. That had been a big departure from the 'script'. In the original version of this lunch, she'd made a teasing comment about him being exactly the kind of guy that women on the lookout for a husband would pounce on.

Sam's comment made Daniel feel a bit bolder. "I've been thinking about getting back into dating."

"You have?" Sam asked, her surprise genuine, though not for the reason Daniel likely thought. He didn't say that the first time.

"Yeah. It's been four years since Sha're died. I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life, and I finally feel like I'm ready to have a life with someone else. But I'm pretty nervous. What if I ask someone out, and she turns me down?"

Sam mentally threw out the script. They were completely off the page now. It was all ad-libbing from here on.

"Daniel, any woman who turned you down would be an utter idiot," she said with emotion.

Daniel blinked, surprised by her answer. His hope that she'd say yes to the date scaled new heights.

"Thank you, Sam. That's . . . that's a really nice thing to say."

"It's the truth, Daniel."

Watching as the archeologist stared into the contents of his coffee cup, Sam thought about one of the greatest regrets she had after he died, a regret that, like his death, she now had the power to fix.

"Daniel, I've . . . I don't think I ever told you how much your friendship means to me," she said softly.

His gaze lifted to her.

"You are one of the best friends I've ever had," Sam continued, fighting to keep the tears at bay. "So few people have ever really understood me like you do. You . . . you changed me, with the things you say, the things you do, just by being who you are. You touch people, Daniel. You get into their hearts. You make people better than they were before they met you." Sam swallowed the big lump that had formed in her throat. "You are so important to me, Daniel, and I am so sorry that I never told you."

Daniel sat in stunned silence. What could he say to something like that? Thank you?

"I don't . . . really know what to say," he finally confessed. "Thank you seems pretty inadequate." He met her eyes. "You _did_ tell me, Sam. At the time, I was too lost in despair and a self-defeating attitude for it to have an impact, but I did hear, and, later, it came to mean a lot to me."

Sam was confused for a moment, then the meaning of what he was saying suddenly dawned on her. She drew in a sharp breath.

"You heard me? That . . . that day in the infirmary, when you were. . . ."

Daniel nodded. "I heard Teal'c, too."

"But I thought you were in a coma! Well, maybe not exactly a coma, but definitely unconscious."

"I was, but. . . . It's hard to explain and not really something I can talk about here." He glanced about at the other patrons. The booth next to theirs was empty, but it still wasn't safe to talk about things like ascension and other planes of existence.

Daniel met her eyes again. "You mean a lot to me, too, Sam. You always have. Though there have been some times when we didn't agree about something, you have always been my . . . my staunchest ally. You believe in me and have faith in me, even when I spout off some theory or hypothesis that seems to be right out of the blue. You've been there for me, and I want to thank you for that."

Daniel's last sentence ripped right through Sam's heart, and she almost lost it. Staring fiercely down at her soda, she fought to regain control of her emotions.

"Sam, are you all right?" Daniel asked in a concerned voice.

Sam cleared her throat. "Yeah . . . yeah, I'm okay. I just. . . ." She took a deep breath. "I need to go use the restroom. I'll be right back."

Leaving a puzzled Daniel at the table, Sam escaped to the ladies room, where it took every ounce of will power she had not to start crying. She stood leaning against the wall, taking deep, calming breaths until she felt in control enough to go back out.

When Sam returned to the booth, she was subjected to an intense stare from the man across the table.

"Sam?" he inquired, the tone in his voice telling her that she wasn't going to get away with pretending like nothing happened.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I was just being silly again. It's . . . it's that dream I had."

"The one in which I died?"

"Yeah. In the dream, I . . . hurt you, and I wasn't there when you really needed me, and that's why you died."

"It was just a dream, Sam," Daniel said gently.

_'God, no, Daniel. It wasn't,'_ Sam's mind replied. Aloud, she murmured, "Yeah, just a dream."

Sam was very grateful that the waitress showed up with their food at that moment. She and Daniel ate in silence for a couple of minutes. When the conversation resumed, restarted by Sam, it was far more casual . . . and safer.

The rest of the meal passed with mostly small talk. They returned to the SGC, saying goodbye when the elevator stopped on Daniel's floor.

As he went back to work, the archeologist thought about the things Sam said during the meal. Her glowing words of praise and her declaration of how important he was to her could be looked upon as just the words of a close friend. They didn't mean that she had any feelings beyond that. Daniel really didn't think that Sam felt anything beyond friendship for him. But could that change? He examined her answers to his question about what kind of guy she'd date. Could he be those things for her? Could he give her the kind of relationship she wanted? With some of the things, he already did. They'd shared many long conversations, and there was only one time he could ever recall spacing off on her, and that was because his mind was on the culture and archeological features of the planet they were going on a mission to . . . the mission that got sidetracked by their little trip back in time to 1969.

Whether or not he could be everything to Sam that she wanted in a man was something Daniel didn't know. What he _did_ know was that, tonight, he was going to find out if she would be willing to see if he could be.

For the rest of the workday, Daniel barely got a thing done. He went home earlier than usual, then spent most of the early evening moving around his place restlessly.

It was going on nine when he got in the car and headed over to Sam's, figuring that she would surely be home by now. He sat in his car a full two minutes outside her house before he finally gathered the nerve to get out and go up to the door. His heart was beating like crazy as he knocked on the door. His knock was answered a few seconds later.

"Hi," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Hey. What are you doing here?"

"Um . . . I was wondering if we could talk about something."

"Sure. Come on in."

Realizing that he was fidgeting, Daniel willed himself to stop. But he couldn't control the restlessness in his body or banish the big knot of nerves in his stomach. He began wandering about Sam's living room, staring at things he'd already seen many times in the past.

"Daniel, what's wrong?" he heard Sam ask. He stopped his wandering and faced her. He brushed a hand through his hair, hoping that it wasn't trembling.

"I, um . . . don't quite know how to say this," he said, "which is pretty pathetic, really. But I guess it's understandable considering the situation."

"What is it that you want to say?"

Daniel drew in a deep breath to steady himself. "I wanted to ask if you would . . . go out to dinner with me on Sunday."

Sam paused. "Daniel, are you asking me out on a date?"

He nodded. "Yeah, Sam, I am. Like I told you at lunch, I finally realized that I had to let go of Sha're and move on with my life." His eyes caught hers. "When I first saw you on Vis Uban, I felt something. Afterwards, once I started regaining my memories, it really confused me. I didn't understand how I could have those kinds of feelings. I've thought about it a lot during these months, and I finally came to the conclusion that, somewhere along the way, you came to be something more to me than just a friend and teammate. I just never realized it until now."

Sam swallowed. She was breathing a little erratically. "What . . . what more do you feel?"

"I . . . feel like I want a relationship with you. I've looked up the regulations, Sam, and I know it's not against the rules. I don't know if you can feel like that toward me. Maybe you'll think it's a bad idea. I just . . . had to tell you."

Tears began sparkling in Sam's eyes. "I _do_ feel like that, Daniel."

The archeologist's breath caught sharply. Had he just heard her right? "Y-you do?"

Sam nodded. "Yes," she replied in barely more than a whisper.

"Oh, God."

Daniel didn't know what to do now. He had never dreamed that Sam would tell him that she felt the same things he did. The most he'd hoped for was that she'd say she was willing to go on the date and see how things went.

Sam slowly walked up to him. "I don't know how this happened either, Daniel. I don't even have any idea when it began. All I know is that you mean so much more to me than just a friend and teammate." She stopped a mere three feet away. Then she smiled and said the words that she had ached to say for so long, the words that might ultimately change the fate of the entire galaxy. "Yes, I'll go on a date with you. There isn't anything I want more." 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Upon hearing Sam's words, Daniel suddenly knew what to do next, and it had nothing to do with talking. He covered the remaining feet separating them in a single step, cupped Sam's face with his hands, and lowered his lips to hers. What happened next was not quite the reaction he'd expected. With a deep moan, Sam grabbed his head, opened her mouth wide, and thrust her tongue deep into his mouth. A feeling like the explosion of a thousand suns went off inside Daniel. With a low groan, he crushed Sam's body to his and devoured her mouth. She arched against him, molding her body as tightly to his as humanly possible.

Sam couldn't slow down. She knew that she should, but the memory of those ten horrible weeks in a world in which Daniel was dead made it impossible. She needed more desperately than anything in her existence to feel the life inside him in every way possible.

Daniel had no idea how he got there, but he suddenly found himself lying on the couch, Sam on top of him, legs bracketing his hips. His body instantly reacted. With hands that fumbled and shook, Sam fought to unbutton his shirt. She nearly cried out in protest when he took hold of her wrists, stopping her. She looked into his passion-darkened eyes.

"Sam, this is too fast. We're going too fast," he panted, wishing that he was a whole lot less of a gentleman so that he could feel free to rip her clothes off and make love to her right there on the sofa.

Sam's head shook. "I don't want to wait. I need to feel you, Daniel."

There was a look of desperation in Sam's eyes that cut right through Daniel. He did not know the reason for it, but he did know that there would be no waiting.

Getting up, he carried Sam into the bedroom. After pulling back the covers, he laid her down on the bed and set his glasses on the night stand. He then slowly began removing her clothes, placing kisses on the uncovered skin. When he removed her bra she began to tremble, whispering his name. He lowered his mouth to the soft, round globes.

Sam was drowning in the sensations, her body craving still more. Ignoring the buttons, she began pulling at Daniel's shirt, trying to get it off. He grabbed the shirt and yanked it over his head. His mouth was then back on Sam's as he unfastened her pants at the same time as she undid his. They struggled out of their remaining clothing. Naked at last, they came back together. Daniel's hands caressed Sam's body as his mouth covered her neck and upper chest with kisses.

All at once, Sam couldn't wait a moment longer. With her hands, she told Daniel what she needed. He met her eyes, his fingers entwining with hers, their hands resting on the pillow beside her head. Their gazes locked, Daniel slowly filled her body, the sensation overwhelming both of them. His lips came down on hers, their tongues plunging into each other's mouths in a deep, hungry kiss.

Daniel began to move in the ancient rhythm of lovemaking, becoming consumed by the feelings inside his body, his mind now solely immersed in the feelings. In all the dreams he'd had of making love to Sam, it had never been like this, never made him feel like nothing in his life had ever compared to this moment of becoming one with her.

The euphoria of their lovemaking was suffusing Sam's whole body, making her want more and more. She clutched as Daniel, desperately seeking the explosion of ecstasy that would drive out every last trace of the grief that had ruled her life for so many weeks.

Sensing Sam's desperation, Daniel reversed their positions so that she was on top, giving her control. Seconds later, small cries began issuing from her throat, her face alight with rapture. And then she was flying, soaring high on the most glorious of ecstasies. Daniel watched her come, holding off his own climax so that he could witness the beauty of hers. It filled him with wonder and the sweetest of joys to know that he was giving this to her.

As Sam slowly came down from the heights, her body shaking in reaction, Daniel rolled back over on top of her. He kissed her cheeks, her eyes, her forehead, feeling her gasping breaths waft across his face. And then he began to move again, his own body now demanding release.

Within a few moments, Sam felt a spark flare back to life, slowly growing toward another explosion. Daniel began to tremble inside, his climax rushing upon him with unstoppable speed. And then he was going over the edge, taking Sam with him. Matching cries tore from their throats. Immersed utterly in the fire, Daniel was unaware of Sam fighting to lessen the force of her own climax so that she could watch him, so that she could see and feel this ultimate expression of the life within him.

As the fire inside Daniel slowly banked, he sank down upon Sam, face pressed against her neck, his chest heaving, body trembling. It took a while before he had the strength to roll onto his side. She came with him, not wanting to be separated from him for even an instant.

For long seconds, the lovers lay recovering. Then, all of a sudden, Sam began to cry, quiet sobs shaking her body. Alarmed, Daniel tried to see her face, but she had it buried against his chest.

"Sam? Sam, what's wrong?"

She lifted her face and pressed tear-wet lips hard against his. As she pulled back, she cupped his cheek, her eyes delving deeply into his.

"I love you," she whispered.

Tears came to Daniel's eyes upon hearing those words and finding an answering echo inside him.

"I love you, Sam."

They came together in another kiss, slow, deep, and full of love. Daniel placed soft kisses across her face, brushing back the sweat-dampened tendrils of her hair, sweeping away the wetness of her tears. He then drew back and smiled into her eyes, letting all the love he felt for her show inside his.

And there it was, the look in his eyes from Sam's dreams, the look that she had thought she'd never get to see in reality. It made joy swell so powerfully in her chest that it felt like her heart was going to burst. Not wanting to cry again, she pulled Daniel's mouth to hers in another kiss, this one full of passion. He returned it eagerly.

Their lips separating, Sam snuggled her head beneath his chin. She could hear the beating of his heart, strong, and steady, and so wonderfully alive. She rested her hand over the organ, a gesture of protection. She would do anything to make sure it kept beating. She would give her life.

Daniel shifted onto his back, keeping her close, and pulled up the covers. Sam began placing kisses on his chest, then moved up to his neck. Her tongue came out and dipped into the hollow of his throat, making him gasp.

"Sam," he moaned. "I hate to disappoint you, but I am only a couple of years shy of forty, you know."

Sam giggled, actually giggled, smiling against his skin. She lifted her head and levered herself above him, meeting his eyes.

"Sorry. It's just that, now that I know what making love with you really feels like, I don't think I'm going to be able to get enough of it."

Daniel searched her face. "What it really feels like? Sam, have you had dreams of us making love?"

Feeling a little embarrassed, Sam replied, "A few."

"Ah. Well, I've had a lot more than just a few. I have to say, though, that reality is a whole lot better than the dreams."

Daniel's words made Sam think about when it was just the opposite for her, when she had wished that she could live in her dreams forever and never go back to the reality of his death.

Refusing to let the sorrow of that time dim the joy of this moment, she rested her head back on his chest and hugged him close. With a contented sigh, she closed her eyes and let herself drift, sleepiness gradually creeping over her. After a while, she became aware of Daniel's respiration deepening, the cadence of his heart slowing. She raised her head and gazed at his sleeping face, open and peaceful, looking happy even in slumber. She caressed his cheek with her fingertips, allowing herself to devour his features with her eyes, taking in every curve, every hollow, every line. She forcefully pushed from her memory the sight of this same face pale in death and replaced it with the living version.

The new image firmly in her mind, Sam laid her head back down on the pillow of his chest and joined Daniel in sleep.

* * *

Consciousness slowly returned to Sam. Oh, God. Another cruel dream of Daniel being alive. Another. . . . Sam's mind cleared fully, and she became aware of a warm, solid body next to hers, an arm wrapped around her waist. The memories of the previous day's events came rushing back in. Daniel was alive! It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a fantasy. It was real.

Joy exploding inside her, she lifted her head to discover Daniel gazing down at her with a happy, all-is-right-with-the-world smile on his face.

"Hi," he said, his smile brightening even more.

"Hi," Sam said back, feeling like her face was going to split open if she smiled any more broadly.

Daniel pulled her close and started running his hand up and down her back. "I really, really like this."

"Mmm. So do I. It definitely beats waking up alone." She studied his face. "So, how long have you been awake?"

"Around an hour."

"And you've been lying there, watching me sleep for all that time?"

"Pretty much. It was a very enjoyable pastime watching the woman I love sleeping."

Sam gazed into his eyes, soaking in the joy of hearing those words. "Well, maybe next time, I'll get the pleasure of watching the man _I_ love sleep for an hour or so."

Daniel smiled brightly, and she saw the same joy in his eyes that she had just felt inside herself.

"Well, I doubt it will be as pretty a sight," he remarked. "Has anyone ever told you that you are breathtakingly beautiful when you're sleeping?"

"Oh, I am not! I probably look a mess."

Daniel became serious. "Not to me."

Deciding that comment most definitely deserved a kiss, Sam did that very thing, delving into his mouth in a slow, leisurely exploration. He joined the expedition and conducted a thorough search of her mouth.

At last, their lips separated. Sam laid her head on Daniel's pillow, their faces just inches apart. They lay like that for several long seconds, just looking at each other and soaking in the incredible feelings of that moment and what they'd shared last night.

Sam brushed her fingertips over Daniel's lips, then down his jawline. "I cannot believe how much I am in love with you," she said. "I don't know why I didn't see it a long time ago."

Daniel smiled. "Well, at least _you_ didn't have to get amnesia to see it."

_'No, you had to die for me to see it,'_ she silently responded.

Sam hastily pushed that thought from her mind and began caressing her lover's body, her hand slowly moving down his form until she finally reached her destination. Daniel let out a low groan at her touch.

"We don't have time," he gasped as she started stroking him.

Sam glanced at the clock and smiled. "We'll, just have to go fast," she said with a twinkle in her eyes.

Having no desire to argue, Daniel grabbed the back of her head and plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, launching them into a kiss of ravenous hunger. With a quick move, he rolled Sam beneath him, one of his hands going between them to touch her. In a surprisingly short amount of time, he had her fully aroused and more than ready for him. In the next instant, they were joined again. Fueled with unbridled passion, they moved together. It took only a few minutes for their climaxes to rip through their bodies with stunning force.

"God. That was. . . ." Sam gasped when she was finally capable of speech.

"Yeah," Daniel agreed. He rolled off her to lie flat on his back. "Wow. This is _way_ better than the dreams."

"Well, I'm very glad that the real me is better than the fantasy."

Daniel pulled her close. "That you are." He sighed. "Unfortunately, this being the real world, I can't do what I really want to and keep you in this bed all day." He grinned. "However, there is always tomorrow, which we both have off."

"Mmm. We'd better store up plenty of energy today, then."

"I completely agree." He became serious. "I know we need to talk, Sam. There are a lot things we need to discuss about how this is going to affect things, especially work." He stroked her cheek. "And there are so many things I want to tell you."

Sam smiled. "Ah, that communication thing, eh?"

Daniel smiled as well. "Yep."

After sharing a deep, passionate kiss with Sam, Daniel very regretfully got out of bed, giving her the great pleasure of studying his gorgeous, naked body. God, he was incredible.

The archeologist scooped up his underwear and headed off to the bathroom, quite aware of the female gaze that was glued to his derriere.

"Wow," Sam breathed once he was out of the room. "No wonder all the nurses fight over who gets to give him a sponge bath."

She got up and put on her robe, heading off to the kitchen to start the coffee. Daniel joined her a few minutes later, all dressed except for his shoes and socks. He came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her, and placed several kisses down the side of her neck. He then pulled something from his back pocket and presented it to her.

Sam smiled brightly upon seeing the flower. "Where did you get that?"

"From the planter outside your bedroom window." He grinned. "Is it still romantic if I steal the flower from your own property?"

Sam turned around in his arms. "You bet it is," she replied before rewarding him with a kiss that made him really wish it was not a work day.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips.

"I love you, too."

"You had better be prepared, Major-Doctor. Tonight I intend on showing you how romantic I can be."

Sam smiled. "You do, huh? Any hints on what I can expect?"

"Well, among other things, I am going to fix you dinner."

"You are? Should I have a stomach pump handy?"

"Ha ha. Very funny. I'll have you know that I'm a halfway decent cook. I wouldn't make any money as a chef, but I can promise you that I won't poison you."

"Well, in that case, I will be delighted to let you cook for me."

They shared another kiss, then drew apart.

"Are you staying for breakfast?" Sam asked.

"I really wish I could, but it's getting late. I've got to hurry and get to my place so that I can shower and change. When I came here last night, I wasn't exactly prepared to spend the night, and we have a mission this morning."

Sam's body stiffened as she suddenly remembered what day this was. It was November 22, the day her life was shattered.

As Daniel went off to put on his shoes and socks, Sam tried to calm herself. It wasn't going to happen that way this time. This time, they'd be together, and she'd be prepared for the attack.

Daniel gave her a long kiss at the door, and she couldn't stop herself from clinging to him. She was afraid to let him go, afraid that history would repeat itself, and she'd lose him. She knew that, if it happened again, it would kill her.

As Sam got ready, she thought about what she could say to keep the colonel from splitting up the team. With all four of them together, Daniel would be even safer.

Of course, there would be one sure-fire way to protect Daniel: telling her teammates what happened. Jack would then refuse to let any of them set foot in those ruins. But if she told them, what would be the consequences? They'd have to agree to keep secret the existence of the time device. Daniel wouldn't be a problem. Once she explained what was at stake, he'd go along with her. Teal'c, too, would see the wisdom in her reasoning. But what about the colonel? He'd definitely agree that the danger of the device being stolen by that NID sleeper cell would be a good reason not to tell anyone about it, but Sam suspected that he wouldn't understand why they couldn't go ahead and take care of the repository. She could almost hear him now.

_"Carter, I see no sense in waiting until the last minute to get that thing out of Anubis' reach. What possible difference could it make whether we get it now or two months from now?" _

Would she be able to convince him of the wisdom of waiting? She honestly didn't know.

But there was also another reason for not telling her teammates . . . or, specifically, Jack. If, sometime in the future, the existence of the device had to be revealed to the military, Sam knew that she was going to be in a lot of trouble for not doing so right away. As things stood now, she was the only one who would get into trouble. If she told Jack about the device and he kept the secret as well, he'd get into trouble, too. She couldn't put him in that position.

The astrophysicist decided that as long as she could convince her C.O. to keep the team together, she'd stay silent. If she failed to do that, then she'd tell them.

Sam was horribly tense all the way to work and had to fight to keep her attention on her driving. As she changed into her BDUs, she forcefully tried to calm herself.

_'Relax, Sam. Relax. It's going to be okay. Daniel's going to be fine.' _

By the time she reached the gate room, she'd managed to achieve at least some calm. This time, when Daniel arrived a couple of minutes later, not only did he look at her, he gave her a great big smile.

"Well, you're looking quite chipper this morning, Daniel," Jack remarked. "Have a good night, did you?"

"As a matter of fact, I did, Jack. I slept wonderfully, the best night's sleep I've had in weeks."

"Glad to hear it."

As she and her teammates ascended the ramp a short while later, Sam's anxiety began to return. And then they went through the gate and stepped out onto P9H-331, and Sam was deluged with the stark, cold memories of the last time she saw this planet. She clamped her eyes shut and took a couple of deep breaths.

"Sam, are you okay?" Daniel asked.

She turned to him and saw that he was watching her in concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She thought up a quick explanation. "I guess something I ate this morning doesn't like gate travel."

"Big breakfast, Carter?" Jack inquired in amusement. He looked around. "Well, I, for one, don't want to be here all day, so Daniel, Carter, you go check out those ruins over there," he waved his hand at the ones on the left, "and Teal'c and I will go take a look at the others. Radio check every hour."

"Um, sir, do you think it's wise to split up the team?" Sam asked. "We didn't send a UAV through, so all we saw was the video feed from the MALP. We really can't be sure that there isn't someone living in or near the ruins."

Jack appeared to ponder her words. Sam nearly held her breath waiting for his reply.

At last, he nodded. "You're right. Just to be on the safe side, we'd better stick together."

Sam was just about to suggest that they explore the ruins to the right of the gate when Daniel said, "Well, if I have a vote, I'd like to go check out those ruins first." He pointed at the ones to the left. "I saw a large sign of some kind on the MALP video feed that I'd like to get a better look at."

"I have no objections," responded Jack. "Carter? Do you have any preference on which of these lovely examples of crumbling cities we go to first?"

Sam frantically tried to think up some reason why they should go to the other one first, but there was really nothing she could say. The MALP didn't even go into that city, so she couldn't claim that she saw something on the video feed that she wanted to see.

With a silent sigh, she replied, "No, sir."

As they traveled through the ruins, Sam tried to keep at bay the memories of what happened here in the original version of history, but it wasn't easy. She decided that the best thing to do would be to keep them away from the area of the city where the natives were. There was some chance that there were more elsewhere in the ruins, but she suspected that what she and Daniel encountered was a hunting or scouting party. If she was right, they might be the only ones in the city.

Ironically, Sam's plans were derailed yet again by Daniel, who, after studying the fallen, billboard-like sign covered in a language that he couldn't decipher, hurried off to explore a structure that was in exactly the direction Sam did _not_ want to go.

And so the next hour and a half went, Sam 'discovering' things in a direction that would lead them away from that certain spot in the city, but then having her purpose defeated by Daniel steering them back that other way. She felt like screaming. She consoled herself with the knowledge that, if they did end up in the same place as last time, they'd be getting there quite a bit later, so the natives would likely be gone.

That thought didn't help Sam's nerves, though. The closer they got to the place where the natives attacked, the tenser she became. All her senses were hyper-vigilant, her grip on her weapon so tight that her hands were starting to cramp. She knew that, at any second, they could encounter those natives.

As they reached a certain spot in their journey, Sam recalled what she found there.

"Sir, look," she said, pointing at the thing lying on the ground a few yards away. They all approached it.

"It looks like some kind of rifle," Daniel observed.

Jack bent down to pick up the arrowhead bullet.

"Careful, sir," Sam warned. "It's sharp."

Jack stared at her, his eyes clearly asking how she could know that.

"Um, it . . . it looks sharp, sir," Sam stammered.

Jack carefully picked it up and studied it. "Well, they sure didn't fool around when it came to their ammo, did they. This could probably penetrate Kevlar, if the velocity was high enough."

Teal'c asked to see the bullet. He fingered the razor-sharp edges. "I believe that the new ceramic polymer insert would also fail to stop it, O'Neill."

Sam knew that they were both right.

Daniel was examining the rifle. "Um, Jack, this wood is only just beginning to rot, which means that it hasn't been here for more than a few years."

The colonel realized what he was saying. "Which means that we're probably not alone on this planet. And, judging by the ammo they use, they may not be the friendliest of people."

"We can't say that for certain, Jack," Daniel countered. "The bullets could be designed to penetrate the thick hide of some kind of large animal."

"True, but let's all be on our toes regardless."

They resumed their search of the ruins. The team was approaching that one particular building, the one on the other side of which was the place Sam never wanted to see again, when she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Sir, I thought I heard something," she lied. "Up ahead."

Jack looked at her, noting that she appeared unusually tense. She also looked a little pale. Was she still feeling sick?

"Teal'c, take point," he said, lifting the barrel of his P-90.

Teal'c took the lead as they continued forward at a slower pace. As they came around the building, Sam's eyes were darting about frantically, looking for anything that moved. She saw nothing, no sign of the natives at all.

As SG-1 advanced unchallenged, Sam began to relax. The natives had moved on. They weren't here.

She glanced at Daniel and froze upon seeing where he was standing: in the exact spot that he'd died. Sam had to choke back a shout for him to move. She quickly averted her eyes, unable to bear looking at that wall.

"I guess it was just an animal that I heard," she said, not relaxing the grip on her weapon.

"Maybe," Jack responded. "Regardless, I'm getting progressively less inclined to explore this place. We haven't found anything important enough to make it worth getting shot at."

"O'Neill," Teal'c called. He bent down and picked up something. "It is the remains of some kind of animal that has been eaten recently. The meat was cooked."

"Okay, that's it," Jack said. "We're heading back to the gate. And, Daniel, don't you dare say you want to find those people and try to make friends."

"I wasn't going to suggest it, Jack."

They turned around and headed back toward the Stargate. Sam couldn't get out of those ruins fast enough.

They took a different, more direct route back. They were cutting through the shattered remains of what must have been a pretty large building when they all heard something.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c shouted as two natives suddenly appeared, rifles aimed at them. Everyone dove for cover. An instant later, there was the sound of a rifle firing, and one of the deadly arrowhead bullets whizzed by. It was followed by more.

Daniel cried out to the natives that they'd come in peace, but his words fell on deaf ears. Seeing that diplomacy wasn't working, everyone fired their weapons into the air, hoping to scare the men off, but that didn't work either, and more of the lethal projectiles were fired at them.

Jack noticed that some of the natives were moving to surround them. The time for playing nice was over. He lowered his aim and took out several of the attackers. He noticed that one of the men he hit was dressed in fancier clothing than the others.

Suddenly, all the natives let out an angry cry and charged straight at SG-1. Having no other choice, the teammates opened fire on the men. Within a matter of seconds, the natives were all on the ground.

Silence fell upon the ruins. Cautiously, the members of SG-1 came out from behind their shelters.

"Everyone all right?" Jack asked.

"Yes, sir," Sam said.

"I am unharmed," Teal'c answered.

"I'm okay," replied Daniel, his eyes on the natives, wishing with all his heart that there had been some way to prevent this.

Sam's gaze went to the archeologist. He was all right. He was okay. She'd done it! The natives were dead, and Daniel had survived.

Feeling like shouting for joy, Sam turned fully to him. She failed to see one of the natives on the ground reach out a bloody hand, grab his weapon and aim it at her back.

But Daniel _did_ see.

"Sam!" he yelled, pushing her out of the way at the same time as he fired at the man. He heard a second gunshot and felt something slam into his chest, burning a white-hot trail of agony through him. And then he was falling, Sam's cry of torment and denial following him down.

"Noooo!" Sam wailed as she scrambled over to him, already sobbing. "No. Oh, God, no. Not again. God, please. Not again."

Jack ran to Daniel's side. "Crap!" he cursed upon seeing the blood on the archeologist's chest. He quickly uncovered the wound and pressed a wad of bandages against it, putting pressure on it in an attempt to stem the bleeding. He looked into Daniel's eyes, which were quickly losing focus. "No! Dammit, Daniel. You hang on. You are _not_ gonna die on us."

Sam was spiraling downward into a black pit of grief. He was dying. Daniel was dying. He was going to die.

A small voice inside her cried out a denial, cried that she had to save him. She had to make him hold on.

Heeding the voice, Sam grabbed Daniel's face in both of her hands. "Daniel, you have to hold on!" she told him. "You can't let go. I can't lose you again. Please, Daniel. I love you. I love you! Please don't leave me."

Stunned by her confession, Jack and Teal'c said nothing, only exchanging a long look, their eyes then going back to the man whose life was hanging in the balance.

Through the pain and darkness eating away at his consciousness, Daniel heard Sam's words as if from far away. With rapidly blurring vision, he found her terrified eyes.

"I love you," he whispered. Then the darkness closed over his mind, and the world went away.

* * *

The three members of SG-1 sat, unmoving, in their chairs. Sam was silently crying, arms wrapped tight about herself. Jack's head was resting in his hands, eyes closed. Teal'c's gaze was fixed upon the wall across from him.

A door opened, and all three of them were on their feet in an instant, eyes staring intently at the person who was approaching them.

"He's alive," Doctor Brightman said. "The surgery went well. He is still in serious condition, but I have high hopes that Doctor Jackson is going to make it through."

Sam's knees were suddenly too weak to hold her. Jack grabbed her shoulders and set her back in her chair. He was feeling pretty weak in the knees as well. They'd almost lost Daniel. For a moment, he'd thought that they had. When Daniel's eyes closed, and he went so terribly still, Jack was certain that his best friend was dead. He didn't think he'd ever forget the scream of torment that came from Sam. But a thready pulse within the archeologist's neck testified to the fact that he was still hanging on. It took some doing to get through to Sam that the man she loved wasn't dead.

Recognizing that they needed to get Daniel medical assistance right away, the colonel made the decision to have Teal'c carry the archeologist toward the gate as Jack ran ahead and got help. Sam was clearheaded by then, so he felt confident that she'd keep her senses alert for danger.

It took a while for the medical team to get Daniel stabilized enough that they felt it was safe to take him through the gate. And then the waiting began to see if Daniel would make it through the surgery.

"All of you need to get cleaned up," Doctor Brightman said. "And I should imagine that you have a debriefing to go to. Daniel will be in Post-Op for a while before we put him in the ICU. You're not going to be able to visit him until then."

Getting the message, the three teammates went off to shower, change and take care of the debriefing.

Neither Jack nor Teal'c revealed to Hammond the confessions of love that Daniel and Sam gave to each other. That was something that Jack would speak to them about in private. He did wonder about how it was going to affect the team dynamic, though.

Jack also wondered about Sam's ability to handle any future situation in which Daniel was threatened or injured. She had definitely not kept her cool this time. But then, who was he to judge her? He wasn't exactly calm and collected either, and he knew that if it had been someone _he_ was in love with lying there, possibly dying, a cool head would have went right out the window. If this had been three years ago, and it had been Sam in Daniel's place, he'd have been pretty frantic, too. His feelings for Sam had mellowed a whole lot since then. Though some remnant of them remained, the feelings weren't strong enough to make him jealous over the fact that Sam now loved Daniel. The truth was that Daniel would be a whole lot better match for her than he would have been.

Once the debriefing was finished, Daniel's teammates went back to the infirmary. The archeologist had just been settled in a bed in the ICU. Hooked up to what seemed like a dozen monitors and other various paraphernalia, he looked alarmingly pale.

Sam immediately took a seat at his side, picked up his hand, and pressed it to her cheek, her eyes locked onto his face. Jack found another chair and sat down as well, Teal'c taking up a spot near the foot of the bed.

Jack looked at Sam. She was stroking the arm she held and looked to be on the verge of tears.

"He's going to be all right, Sam," he told her.

She dragged her eyes from Daniel's face and looked at him. "I know. I-I mean, I hope. . . ." She stopped and sighed. "I was just so scared, sir. I was so certain that I was going to lose him again."

Jack stared at her. "Again? You said that several times on the planet."

Sam paused, her eyes darting away from his as if to hide something. "I . . . I was just thinking about the radiation poisoning. When he was dying, it tore me apart, and when he ascended . . . it hurt so much to lose him."

"Then you knew even back then."

Sam's gaze returned to him. "Knew what, sir?"

"That you love him."

Sam stiffened for an instant, then relaxed. "Um . . . no, I didn't know, but, looking back on it now, I guess I should have. I was in so much pain after he left. Even months later, it still felt like we'd just lost him."

"So, how long have you known?"

Sam wasn't quite sure how to answer. The date she figured it out hadn't even happened yet, in this timeline. Since, by her frame of reference, she had known for around six weeks, that's what she decided to tell Jack.

The colonel absorbed that bit of knowledge. "And have you and Daniel acted upon these mutual feelings?" The blush that suffused Sam's cheeks answered his question. He wondered how long they'd been in a relationship, hiding it from everyone.

"We haven't been together for long, sir," Sam said, guessing what he was thinking. "We got together very recently." _'Very, __**very**__, recently,'_ she added in her mind. There was no way that she was going to tell her C.O. that she and Daniel confessed their feelings for each other and made love for the first time just last night. "We had every intention of telling you," she told him, though she and Daniel hadn't actually discussed it.

Sam studied the look on the colonel's face, which was unreadable. She had to wonder what his feelings were about this. Three years ago, she knew that the feelings she had for him were requited. Did he still feel that way about her? He hadn't given her any signs in a long time that he did. She hoped that he didn't. She'd hate it if her relationship with Daniel hurt Jack.

"Sir, I . . . I don't know how you feel about this. Daniel and I both want to stay on SG-1. I know our relationship isn't technically against the regs, but I also know that a lot of commanding officers wouldn't be willing to allow two people in a relationship to be on the same team."

Jack thought about it, about the complications that could arise. But then he thought about losing one of them from the team. It had been no fun having to replace Daniel after he ascended. Not a single one of the replacements had equaled the archeologist, most falling far, _far_ short of the mark. Even Jonas Quinn, whom Jack had eventually sort of come to like, was unable to match Daniel in many ways. Jack had no doubt that Sam would be equally as difficult to replace.

"I guess we'll just have to see how things work out," he said. "Of course, mine isn't the only voice who has a say in this."

Sam nodded. "General Hammond."

"I'll talk to him when the time is right, probably after our semi-immortal archeologist here is out of the infirmary . . . or at least out of the ICU."

Sam hid her reaction to Jack's adjective for Daniel. They'd joked in the past about the archeologist's propensity to come back from the dead, but in the history that Sam had now changed, they had all learned the terrible truth that Daniel was _not_ immortal, that death, permanent and immutable, could take him away from them.

But then, thinking about it, Daniel _had_ cheated death again, and not just by surviving his injury. His death had been undone, not in the same way that it had by a sarcophagus, strange little aliens, and various other ways, but undone nevertheless.

They all turned back to Daniel and were pleased to see his eyes flutter open. The first thing those eyes came to rest upon was Sam.

"Hey," she murmured softly, giving him a gentle smile as she stroked his cheek. "How do you feel?"

Daniel thought about the question and decided to be completely honest. "Horrible," he replied.

"Yeah, well, that's no big surprise," Jack responded. "According to the doc, if you'd been hit just a couple of inches to the left, we wouldn't be having this conversation. It was still touch-and-go for a while, though, so I'd wager that you'll be a guest of the infirmary for quite some time," Jack smiled, "which, of course, means that you and Carter here won't be going on any more dates for a while."

Startled, Daniel stared at him. "How did you find out?"

"Ah, I guess you don't remember the declarations of love that you and Carter made to each other as you lay bleeding all over the ground."

Daniel's face colored with embarrassment. "Oh." His eyes went to Sam, who was also looking a bit embarrassed.

Jack got to his feet. "Well, I'm guessing that you two would like some time alone, so Teal'c and I are going to make ourselves scarce."

"I am most pleased that you will be well, Daniel Jackson," the Jaffa said. "I would have grieved if you had perished."

"Thanks, Teal'c," Daniel responded.

"And I wish to state that I believe you and Major Carter will have a strong and mutually satisfying relationship. When the proper time comes, I will travel to Chulak for the materials needed to craft you a traditional Jaffa wedding gift."

Teal'c's statement shocked the two scientists speechless, which was quite an accomplishment. Jack was coming up a bit short for words as well.

"Uh-uh . . . thank you, Teal'c," Daniel finally managed. He received a small smile and a nod of the head.

The two men left the ICU.

Daniel looked at Sam. "Are you as stunned by that as I am?"

"Oh, yeah."

They both chose not to discuss the Jaffa's reference to marriage.

The archeologist sighed. "So, I guess my plan to show you that I have more than just one romantic bone in my body is going to have to wait for a while."

"Yeah, but that's okay. I can wait . . . as long as you make it really good once you get out of the infirmary."

Daniel saw the teasing light in her eyes. "I assume we're not going to enlighten Jack to the fact that we haven't actually managed to go on a date yet."

"Not on your life!" Sam responded emphatically. "And speaking of dates, you're not getting out of that. I want my date, mister."

Daniel smiled. "Well, if it hadn't been for a certain woman who apparently couldn't wait to do things in the proper order, there would be no reason for you to insist upon a date. It would be a given."

Accepting the teasing remark, Sam leaned over and gently kissed him. She then grew serious.

"I was so scared, Daniel. I thought I was going to lose you ag—" She stopped herself short of saying "again".

He squeezed her hand. "I'm okay, Sam. Well, not exactly okay, but I will be."

Sam nodded. "Yes, you will be." Sudden tears filled her eyes. She clasped his hand in both of hers and pressed it against her chest, over her heart. "You are so precious to me, Daniel. If you had died . . . I-I think I'd have died, too."

Daniel tightened his hand around hers. "When Sha're died, I felt like something inside me had died with her. But I discovered that I could go on without her, that I could even be happy every now and then. It took a long time, but my heart healed. Yours would have, too, Sam."

Sam thought about that, wondering how many years it would have taken before she finally healed from Daniel's death. Even after five years, her future self still bore the pain and guilt.

But she didn't want to think about that. Daniel was alive, and she had every intention of spending the rest of her life with him.

The astrophysicist noticed that Daniel's eyelids appeared to be getting heavy. "Get some sleep. We'll have plenty of time to talk once you're better."

Daniel gave her a sleepy smile. "Ah, some of that communication stuff, huh?"

"You bet."

Daniel's eyes closed, and he slipped into sleep. Sam stayed with him for a few more minutes, then decided to go get something to eat. She was famished. It was a good feeling.

After eating, Sam went to her lab. She decided to check on the time travel device. Blocking the view of the device from the closed circuit camera, she opened the cabinet. Staring at the device, she thought about all the things she could change with it, terrible events she could undo. With the ability to go back five years, there were so many horrible events that could be altered, lives that could be saved.

But the scientist in Sam knew she couldn't do that. Meddling with the timeline was dangerous. It was impossible to anticipate how each change, no matter how small, would alter future events, possibly for the worse. By saving even one life she could so dramatically alter the future that it would result in a catastrophe.

Sam couldn't help but think about going back to save Janet. But if her friend could talk to her, what would she say? Sam already knew. She'd say that saving her wouldn't be worth taking the chance that it would result in a cascade of events that would make something worse. She'd say that her life alone wasn't important enough for that. Sam wanted to think that only good would come of saving Janet, but the truth was that she didn't really know.

But she _had_ saved Daniel. His was a death that needed to be undone, a death that doomed Earth to destruction. Yes, she could have destroyed the repository instead and saved Earth that way, but something told Sam that Earth needed Daniel, that the _galaxy_ needed him, that, sometime in the future, the fate of a whole lot of people would be depending on him. Perhaps she was just letting her feelings for him get in the way of logical thinking, but the feeling persisted.

One thing was for certain. _She_ needed him, and, right now, that's all that mattered to her.

Sam turned the device over in her hands, her breath catching upon seeing something. The power meter was at zero. How did this happen? How could her older self's calculations have been so wrong? Shutting the device back up in the cabinet, Sam went to her worktable and thought about it. After a while, she could come to only one conclusion. The only answer she could think of was that jumping back in time into the body of your former self took more power than jumping back in time the other way. It did sort of make sense. Unlike in Quantum Leap, this was not a case of only a person's consciousness traveling through time. The traveler actually physically merged into the body of their earlier self. The device would have to perfectly align and synchronize the atoms of the traveler's body with those of their other self. Alterations would have to be made since a person's body goes through changes over the years. Even a few months could make a significant difference. Her body from two months in the future was thinner than this body. That would require adjustments to be made by the device. Thinking about it, it really was quite extraordinary.

So, there could be no other trips back in time. Yes, it was possible that she might be able to find a way to recharge the device, but it would be impossible to do so secretly.

There might come a day in the future when they'd desperately need the ability to go back in time and undo something, when that need outweighed the dangers of altering history, just as this time did. If that time ever came, then Sam would reveal the existence of the device and do what she could to recharge it. For now, she believed that it would be best to keep it a secret.

The astrophysicist wished that she'd gotten the address of the planet the device was found on. Then there would be the option of taking it there to recharge it, if they ever needed it. Actually, they wouldn't have to recharge this one. Its . . . time twin was still sitting in that lab, waiting to be found. Perhaps, someday, it would be.

Sam thought about the older version of herself, the sad, scarred woman who would never exist. She'd be happy to know that Sam did things right and made it possible for her and Daniel to have the happy life together that she saw in her dreams. Sam wanted that golden-haired boy with eyes of brilliant blue . . . and perhaps a sister for him, too.

A soft smile on her face, Sam got up and left her office, intent upon returning to the side of the man she had altered the course of history to save, and, in doing so, saved her own heart and soul as well. Her guilt had been undone, the months of grief rewound, and she had so much in the future to look forward to.

THE END


End file.
